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Friday, February 6, 2009

Totally NOT a Good Look

So, catching up on the drama I first blogged about, first take a gander at this one: Abuse

After all the drama and more insanely crazy issues with this maniac she decides to:


After all the bull shit, all the crazy mean allegations and nonsense. They wed. At the court house just last weekend. Now, I must admit, since all the crazy drama between the two of them this guy, now her husband made the effort to clean up a tad, became and little sweeter, started doing stuff for her, becoming more of a guy great..

Well I guess not..

They've been having some short arguments and disagreements now and then before the court house ceremony, but tell me why after the ceremony............... he flips!?

On Friday night, the day I took off for myself I spent all night helping her get ready for this, she led me to believe that he had changed, and he's all about being with her forever, he's good for her daughter.. yaaaaddda yaddda yada. Majority of her friends left her, and he has pushed many of her family away because of the whole situation. Knowing this, I felt like she needed to have soooooomebody in her life, but somehow I didn't know how much of a undertaking that really was. The whole situation is so sour.

The night of their marriage, she'd made plans to go to a very elaborate themed hotel, with rose petals on the bed, Jacuzzi, champagne & fruit and such. Spent all this money on lingerie and what does he do? Makes her night a living hell. While trying to consummate the marriage he blames her for not successfully fulfilling the big O. Which can be a problem sometimes when your: sleepy, stressed, tired, worried etc. So instead of Turing over and calling it a night, he throws the hugest tantrum, yells, argues, blames her for crazy non-existing stuff.. and worse says the most vile, ill mannered things a man should never say to a woman. Telling her she would never be a _______ (his last name). She only got with him to be her baby's new daddy & mentioned how payback is a bitch, he's so angry he could get her again (sleeping with another woman, which he'd done 1 month before) Now he never laid a hand on her, but the mental & emotional abuse she received ON THEIR WEDDING NIGHT.. was incredibly sick. Like, are you kidding me.. (more things happened that night, that I couldn't possibly indulge, I just can't believe it)

She interrupted me during my cooked sushi eating and called and told me all this.. I didn't want to tell her I told her so, but that's what I felt. The only words I uttered was get an annulment first thing Monday morning, your life will be a living hell if you don't do something about it now.

She cried, I listened. She was confused I tried to cover her with sane consciousness. At the end of our convo I asked so what are you going to do? I don't know... she said. I don't know.

From there, I thought.. welll damn. I tried to be there, but I don't know how much friend to friend stupidity I can possibly take. Why would someone want to re-loop their life with such insane drama & stressful intensity like that?..

I told her that he was a PSYCHOPATH: –noun Psychiatry.
A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse.

And a NARCISSIST: -noun Psychiatry
A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.

To me that's crazy people.. ? My mom is a Holy Roly ( joke for someone who's deeply in the scriptures and talk the word of God for everything- which isn't a bad thing) said, he's a possessed individual and has the spirit of Satan all over him. She told me to pray for them and if she doesn't listen to just keep away.. like.. it's like that serious!

I was watching Oprah, and she had the father on from Sugarland, TX who son shot the whole family after the son's graduation dinner b/c he wasn't going to graduate from college. The son was obviously mentally crazy, they psychologist called him a sociopath, and he was a narcissist too, that he was able to do this.. Kill his family.. these are signs. That's when I thought about my friend.. SIGNS. That people don't look at because they are too worried about their superficial emotions.

Well .. the signs are clear and I hope nothing like death ever happens to her, but I have to back out of this one. How long do you stay & lend that ear? Supposedly my thoughts and mentions don't mean much, when she calls about the same situation I just say them all over and again and I'm tired of it. Soon just the arguing and making her feel incredibly retched will not be good for him, he will have to elevate to something more hurtful when those cries aren't enough..

You just have to get the crazy people out of your life.. don't ya'll agree?

I never thought in my life I'd come across such a thing. These phyco's really exist.


Islandbaby said...

The whole situation sounds absolutely horrible, and a tough one to be caught in the middle of as a friend. I think that the worst thing you could do is turn your back on her. That's exactly what he wants. He wants her to be isolated because it is easier to abuse someone who thinks that they have noone. Stick with her, and just continue being supportive, and one day she will have enough of this creep.

Wishing you the best!

She's Gotta Have It said...

It's like you've taken a page from my life! I'm going through the same situation with a girlfriend of mine, and I, too, became so fed up to the point that I wanted to cut her off because no matter how much I offered advice and suggestions, girlfriend stayed with him (married, had a child, moved across the country).

It seems like you're only wasting your breath and time, but don't totally abandon her. She's weak-minded and like the other commenter said, her man WANTS you and others to leave her alone so that you don't influence her in any way. Even if you don't remain close, check in on her from time to time. I wonder every day if this guy is going to kill this girl, because it's very possible. He's already put his hands on her and was arrested by police. She's still with him, though. He's on meds for his bipolar disorder and she's on meds for depression. It's a sad situation.

Don't disappear on her because then she'll feel totally hopeless and submit to him even more.

mrs. mary mack said...

"How long do you stay & lend that ear?"
Speaking from a very similar experience, I can't stay around too long to lend an ear if the person on the other end is not willing to use common sense and leave a harmful situation.

Women do whatever they want to do rather than what's healthy for them in situations like that. I hope she finds peace before it's too late because he obviously needs help.

dizzblnd said...

I might have told you this.. if so.. sorry. But I used to work with a woman (she recently quit YAY) Who has 3 boys with an abusive live in boyfriend. She used to complain all the time about him beating on her. I gave her so much info on abused women shelters.. etc.. she refused to go get help. So, one day she was telling me about another beating that happened the previous night (boys watched it) I held up my hand and said STOP I am tired of hearing this, you wont get help, you won't get your boys help, they WILL continue this cycle. SO you can talk to me about ANYTHING els... I am not going to listen to this because you refuse to get help. It took her about 3 years to acknowledge my presense again, when she did she announced ... that's right.. that they were engaged. She was surprised I wasn't THRILLED for her. I don't know if they got married or not. I feel badly for the children these boys will have.

My advice, it that you tell her the same. "I love you, I care about you, but I won't listen to your tales of terror anymore." Tough love sucks.. but what else can you do?

Good Luck girl

Anonymous said...

I've done this and back. Some people have all sorts of complicated cravings for the negativity in life and they will let you talk them and walk them and then they will go back for more abuse. You somehow wind up the bad(cough-TRUTHFUL) friend.
I've done this, but I get to the point where I am done, and done is done.
You cannot lift most people like this up, but they can drag you down. ~Mary

SheBloggs said...

Island: I see what you mean, I didn't want to turn my back, but it is true it's what he wants, cause he pushed everyone else away.
I hope can will leave his crazy ass... at least for her daughter.

She's Gotta: So you know how this is? Ur ears gettin tired too! I won't leave her, I'll always be near, esp if she's in serious danger, I just told her that I can't be the go too person for aruments and what not when you have no intent to leave.. Thanks for the wishes!

Ms. Mary: I fee ya there too.. it's real exhausting. No reason why I should be awake up at night worrying about her if she don't even care about herself.. It's like this shit isn't funny, do you know how stupid you are? Forget the fragility of it.. it's nonsense after awhile.

Patti: Nooo, you never told me that story! Thats craziness! So u see what I'm going through!? I gave my firend shelters too, but that was too graveling I guess..And that's messed up for her getting mad at you for telling her like it was..you are right about the tough love.. I told her this weekend from great advice from you all and she said she understood. Plus my husband was getting angry cause you know guys want to fixx things, and he didn't understand me being there for her so much when she didn't want to help herself. He thought her craziness was comming off on me..

Mary: Hello there!
Yea some people do want that in thier life.. and by me listening to it all the time is just having someone there to go through it with you, which normally thats what friends are for, but over and over with no sane outcome makes no sense to me? I'm still there, but everytime she talk about this man she's gonna have to make a solution..

Thanks for all your comments. I can't talk to my husband about it and this was very helpful for me.. I didn't say I wrote a blog about it but I spoke to some "friends" who gave me some good suggestions. Thank you!!

Scandalous Housewife said...

This is serious. CLASSIC signs of future wife killer, no joke. I've had a friend in a similar position, and there's really not alot you can do until SHE decides to get out. I would just try to tell her that NOBODY deserves to be spoken to like that, EVER.

Good luck

Amber-Alert said...

hmmm people dont really understand being (and staying) in a domestic abuse situation until u've either studied it or been in it. what people dont realize is that its a continuous cycle and not all the time is bad...its the good times (after he apologizes, brings her flowers, promises to never do it again, etc) that makes her stay. shes not weak minded and shes not stupid shes in a fucked up situation that she is gonna have to make a decision to get out of and stay out of. the other thing that people dont kno is that the MOST dangerous piece in these types of situations is when the woman tries to leave...thats when people started getting killed. i feel sorry for her but more importantly i feel sorry for the child thats involved...i would hate to see u totally abandon her cuz thats exactly what he wants. if he successfully isolates her from everyone its no telling if she will ever be able get out of this situation. she needs a support system and right now it sounds like ur it...def keep praying for her tho

SheBloggs said...

Scandy: He seems kinda killerish to me.. really. He's all chummy in everyones face, then when our backs are turned he's all grim talking to her.. Thanks..

Amber: I feel what your saying girl<3 I haven't been in an abusive relationship to really understand, I'm just seeing my point of view. I tried to change shoes with her in my head, I just guess anyone can be subjected to giving chance after chance when someone's whooing apology after apology. AND his words are so poetic when he wants to get her back, he knows exactly what to say.. everything a heartbroken woman wants to hear. I'm not fully going to abandon her, I just can't let her sway my emotions. We talk, like we did yesterday,... I just stopped caring.

Bon Don said...

Oh man the story of my life! It seem everyone near & dear to my heart is in an abusive relationship!

I try to be there, but when it gets too crazy I distance myself for a while... I never like to say "leave him" cause they won't

I just try and remain neutral even though somtimes I want to beat his ass myself.

Hang in there doll!

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