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Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Darkest Hour

I attended a funeral today.

Normally, they aren't too bad. Extremely sad yes, but usually I can empathetically make it through them. Especially if I'm paying my respects to someone I didn't quite know.

My husband's close friend lost his mother last week, due to a mixture of pills and medication. It wasn't necessarily intentional, but when she went to sleep she never woke up again.

I didn't know her, I met her, Donna is her name, a couple times while dating my husband. The eternity of one moment of meeting someone then they are gone in a blink of an eye. I felt incredibly sorry for our friend. He was very close to his mother, and she was all he had. That's one thing I couldn't ever image. Losing my mother. I have yet to even experience death on a personal level, and think I would just completely loose it. We've spent all week drying his tears and rubbing his back, and yet today felt like a heavy flood of sorrow and pain. Everything I noticed. It might of been cloudy here in our hearts but today was extremely beautiful. Vividly sunny, the bluest sky, and the warmest winds. He asked for her casket to be all white, it bore silver angels on the side and pink ribbon with her name written above it. The grass never looked so greener, with the dirt piled in heaps in the corner. Rose petals, previously taken apart for the barriel twirled in the wind mixed with the autumn leaves around the feet of her grandson who laid with his head on his mother's shoulder while her body shook with weeping.

Our friend's face was cold and I noticed he never looked up. My husband took to his side and cried with him, he once also lost his mother some time ago. When they were done, and the group of respecters scattered, I saw him lean with one knee on the dirt ground in his severely creased black dress pants and held on to the silver handle on his mother's casket.

I gave my husband a tight squeeze and we left our respects with our grieving friend.
The afternoon sun dried our tears, and the ride home was left unspoken.

What do you do when one loves another so. That when they pass, their grief is so indescribable, that they feel like they lost everything they've ever known in it's entirety. Such as losing a mother. I couldn't imagine.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Phone Anxiety

I totally think this disorder is made up, mainly for the fact because I've never heard anything about it. Well... I feel I have it. In a selfish kind of way. The other day I decided to google it, so see if there were any other "phone challenged" people out there, and behold: I came across another blogger in fact, who has the same disorder. (for the lack of words), Cicada Song: Phone Anxiety put it EAXTLY how I felt in a nutshull. I mean, damn near almost exactly. I couldn't believe it..

Ok, so what is it exactly? Your wondering? Well I'm not afraid of callers, or afraid to talk to people, I love people. I just refuse to let people take advantage of me and put all their drama and shitty conversation in my trash can. Just so happened I was raped of my ears and ability to empathise while talking with a close friend. She yabbed and yaaaaabbed, talked and talked that I couldn't get a word in to even have her back and say that she's right. I never got a chance to say hey, this is whats going on with me.. I'm a great listner, but damn! It really makes a dull evening when it's not a c-o-n-v-e-r-s-a-t-i-o-n. Maybe it's the entrapement feeling on the phone? I LOVE meeting up over dinner, lunch plans, and we can talk for hours!

Just the phone?

So, it was her, then another friend, then another..to where I just complety made myself unavailble. I got rid of my cell phone, and devoted my time to more self-fullfilling projects. Now if you read Cicada's..she goes more into detail about messaging and everything. Like for example I'm your best friend over the computer, I'll email you until the cows come home, but to get locked in to a verbal dissucsion where I'm backed into a wall all night.. nah. I'm ok. I'll be the first to hang up but then I feel guilty..You don't always want to be the first to end every conversation all the time..?

It might sound kind of selfish, but it can wear ya down a little.

Now, I've gotten a little better, plus I need a cell phone cause I was missing my parents calling at home, and what if I was being murdered, I would kinda like to take advantage of modern technology and have a cell phone near by... ya know?

Plus, now the girls know what's up. We've talked and they have given more short iter-active converations, and I'm cool with that.
They're realizing that highschool is over.. if you want to empty your emotions, bring it on, but to do it all night? Getta shrink.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Whatever: Fashion's Close Call

I'm not going to post anything about Project Runway. I'm fairly angry.

Korto's fashions was so HOTT... Leanne.. whatever. That shit was bunk!

I hope Korto's work wasn't slept on...here's a lil peek of her hard work:

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Liquor & Music : My Long Lost Friends

I haven't "went out" in quite awhile now. My girl friend from high school called me up and gave me the invite. She hasn't had the opportunity to go out and get wasted in some months, so I thought I'd join. She has 2 boys and the fathers aren't any way shape in the pictures, so if she gets a chance to have a break, then I have no problem breaking with her. I don't have any children, so I can't even imagine how bad she wants to escape from diapers, fights, and stepped on toy parts.

We decided to go to the Legends, it's a fairly new place in BFE, out here in the country. It's mainly all new shops and restaurants. It has a chain of bars that are connected with different music. GF listens to mostly country, so I knew which one I going too. I listen to everything but country.. so I started my tab real quick.

The bartender (of course) was pretty damn hot.. GF liked him too. I'm married so it was hands off for me, she's not so I told her to go in for the kill, instead she asked for a Blue Hawaiian something and a Jagger bomb. A Jagger bomb? I don't do those.. I had Patron on the rocks. Once I finished..among the tussle, the bartender slid me another one under the sly.. FOR FREE.. I told him thanks, and the girls were ooouin. Maybe because the place was empty and I was all leggs with my black 4inch Guess heelz?

4 shots and 1 pineapple rum later I was still pretty nice. GF and the group was pretty wasted: mission accomplished. We went to different spots a couple of times, I helped with her boobs like 50 times, picked her up from the floor a billion times. Now doing this and achieving in trying to stay cute are extremely difficult.

None the less, I haven't been out in months, so this was still pretty exciting. I made it home and a phone call later to see if she was ok sealed the night. Actually, my husband likes to take advantage of the inebriated, so once I was taken advantage of then it was a sealed deal. Isn't all the time where you get a happy ending to a great drunken night.. haha.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Tag I'm it!

Missy from Just Another Stupid Blog tagged me for a book meme

Here are the rules: Grab the nearest book. Open the book to page 56. Find the fifth sentence. Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal/blog along with these instructions. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST. Tag five other people to do the same.

The closest book to me that I actually have saved on my computer because I went and downloaded it for free a month ago was "The Truth About Cheating" by M. Gary Neuman. I saw this book on a show on Oprah, my husband isn't cheating by any means, but it's real nice to know ways to keep it ever going that way. Plus I find this smutty, life coach stuff interesting anyway.

Pg. 56: Beyond that, be aware not to talk a lot about how you and your husband are going to get closer. Just keep the conversation to agreeing on some rules for this new relationship. I wanted to make sure his ass wasn't broken before I took him back. HA! Juuusss kiiddiinngg. He's a great lil pal he is. Love at first sight was how we met.

I only have 1 follower.. so I'll tag


Monday, October 13, 2008

Quincy is his name.

We've gotta dawggie!! YEA.. We've actucally had em for damn near 2 weeks now. I wanted to make sure his ass wasn't broken before I took him back. HA! Juuusss kiiddiinngg. He's a great lil pal he is. Love at first sight was how we met.

The 2 dogs I previous choose was already gone! Keira and Hemmingway.. gone! So, I went to go check out Jake. In person, Jake was a lil hyper, and scary lookin. I mean he was white white. Also, he wasn't neutred, I didn't want to deal with comming back and mending to his balls all weekend. BUT... when I saw "Sagan" (that's what they named him) I was taken away.

I walked by his cage (didn't know he was a he then, because he acutally looked like a gurl because he was so darn cute)he was quiet, doing a little pace back and forth. My aunt was with me and kept taking me to other cages, but I didn't want to leave his cage. I was scared somebody was gonna take em, since the others vansished into thin air. His fur was all dirty and he stunk to high heaven. The attendant let us meet him on a leash and he was running everywhere while taking a quick lick to himself every now and again. I told my aunt he must of had surgery with all that licking and sure enough he did. No babies for my baby.

We bought him home, I decided to name him Chauncy. My husband thought that was gay (for the lack of words) and decided on Quincy. Which I feel is gay-er. Well to each his own. We could call him shit face and he'd still be cute as a button.

He's 2 years old, trianed and smart as a whip! I'm sure we'll have many stories in the future about all his cuteness and curiosities.

Take a gander: Quincy Q

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Suburbian Blues

I was real down the other day.

I want to say my down-ness wasn't due to what's going on in the world, but maybe it had some underlying effect. I was reading an article on USA Today and it was talking about the stress on Americans as we worry about the economic crises. I don't know really. I have a job, my husband and I are fed. We don't own a house, but we are saving for it.. now I have that tinge of fear they have been talking about. What if we don't get our home? Ugh.

The economy is sick, and it's gonna take forever for it to get better? Ok, maybe not forever, but it's gonna feel like forever until we buy a house. I know there are alot people in worse shape than I, so I should be empathetically estastic where we are right now. Maybe it could be where I live too. I'm middle class living in an apt where all the upper upper class live. Like NFL football player's (Kansas City Cheifs SUCK!) and CEO's live down a street where I walk my dog, in these MEGA manchines. Maybe that could be effecting my ego? I go into work each day, dreadfully, and barely awake while I see ladies swinging their ponytails running at 9:00 on a weekday morning on the sidewalks. I want to swing my ponytail and run 9:00 on a weekday morning on the sidewalks.

Nope. I have to sit at a desk for 7.5 hours. Then I go to my lunch break at 11:30am at the local grocery store to get a salad. I have to squeeze my boat of an Aurora in between two gas sucking monster vehicles: the popular Land Rover and the not so popular Hummer. Then I wait 15 minutes to leave the parking lot because of all the stay at home moms and their 10 shopping carts and crowds of kids.

I'm not complaining, or "hatin" on the rich none the less, it just can wear ya down a little. I guess in the back of your head (when you see it constantly) you know sooomeebody isn't worrying. I saw a goooood show on fiances on Oprah (yes, I really don't like her, but she has some good shows w/ good topics SOMETIMES)and Susie Orman was on, and she was talkin about the lies we all live, and the persona we crave to keep up while ruining our credit and finances. So, maybe half of those people I was talking about are just living the lie, when in actuality they never was really set in the first place?

Well who cares.. I'm not gonna let it worry me, even if I don't ever get a house at then end of the day I'm still gonna be happy.. and loved... in my cozy 2 bed crib.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

One Chance Too Many!

I know I'm like damn near a week late on the Project Runway show, but shux.. what a surprise..

Jerrell, Kenly, Leanne and Korto have made it to be the last 4. Their project was to create a garden, nature themed evening gown. During the eliminating, Jerrell was the winner of the design, while Leanne, Korto and Kenly was up for elimination. The whopper of the ending was... NONE WERE ELIMINATED!

The designers wanted to keep all to see their creation and styles for fashion week!!

I think that's total bull, Kenly was received one chance too many with her wild crazy old ass 50 styles, and her rude behavior. Ya her designs are interesting, but nothing compared to some of the others. She should of been dropped a long time ago with the all non-teamplayerness!

This was Kenly's creation:

Kenly's wasn't in any realm of what the theme was suppose to be. She choose a plant that (as she thought) resembled scales, and it was purple. The designers said it was non-elegant and reptile like.. as it was! What the hell was on the bottom? I would of went softer? It was very sructured. And I wouldn't see anyone wearing that anywhere!

She mouthed off at Heidi.. Heidi said "And it just wasn't very elegant.." Kenly snapped back " Well it wasn't suppose be elegant HEIDI!" oooou (crowed making a ooou noise)

They said Korto's looked to much like a prom dress, but I thought it was nice, she did have too much fabric in the back, maybe if it would have been a different color and a tad more sleeker they wouldn't have gotten that feel.

Either way: Kenly doesn't deserve to share and bask with their achievements!

Team Korto!! (2nd team on the side: Jerrell)

Sunday, October 5, 2008

My Last: Last


I don't know about you but I'm fed up too my wit's in on making everything my last.
This weekend was like my 3,000 weekends of saying my last.

To catch you up, (like the rest of the over-weight population) I've been trying to diet. Now I'm not huge by any means, I just need to be healthier and lose these 20 newlywed pounds I've just acquired. It's so funny because that was one of the things my husband was scared of about getting married, is acquiring a new fat wife.

BUT...to my defense

I blame the honeymoon cruise. Have you seen those buffet's!! Geeze. How many times can you have french toast with strawberries & whipped cream with a memoso? EVERYDAY WHEN YOUR ON YOUR HONEYMOON.. lol Plus for $3500 I want my bang for my buck, even if that means a couple of new rolls and some cellulite.

If I didn't just sound like Overweight America, then I don't know what. But I do know one thing though.. getting my family healthier and living longer. My brother and I who is 2 years younger than me, has gotten.... ah, I say a little bit out of control. He's a very handsome guy, but has the hugest belly (Which according to Dr. Mehment Oz, stomach fat is the most dangerous) so we have decided together as brother and sister to lose the pounds for our very LAST time.

I roped in my by saying.. "Keith, come on now... let's make mom proud. Lets lose the weight and get happy for her!" My mom, by herself mind you, has lost 98lbs! I'm so happy for her. In amage we should do the same. This Monday is when we start. I've just went through my last 7-11 pina colada Slurpee.. so sad it was. My last ranch Doritos.. and that's it! Tomorrow I know at 3:00pm I'll want to invade the vending machine and rape a pack of chocolate donuts .... for the last time. BUT I'M NOT!! I'm gonna diet this right.. for the last time. While being a responsible big sister and a gem of a daughter too. (can't forget that.)

Friday, October 3, 2008

Saving A Life

My husband and I are making a trip to a pet adoption agency here in town called Wayside Waifes to save a doggie life. I love dogs and most fuzzy types of animals, so this trip should be a heartbreaking one..

I used to have a dog. His name was Charlie, he was a 4lb Yorkie. I bought him from a breeder. When he was a puppy he was the size of my palm. I shared him with my then.. Ex- boyfriend. The reason why I don't have him anymore because during the "ex" part of the relationship he took him, along with his clothes, PlayStation and dirty underwear. I was in school then, and didn't come home until late in the evening. My Charlie would be left in his crate from 8:30am -9:00pm 2 days a week, and I felt terrible. So.. I made the grown up decision for him to keep him. I left my ex anyway, and I felt sorry about that too. He really loved Charlie as well, so I think I kinda accepted that choice as my "parting gift."

Now.. things are different. I'm married, hubb and I have different shifts, and no babies yet, therefore: ALOT of LOVE to give.

Instead of buying an expensive one, I was thinking about saving a life and adopting!

There are many myths to why adopting is questionable, but I think I'm going to be daring and commit too it. I was one of those who thought, you are getting someone else's "damaged goods". But maybe that's ok. I was reading some interesting info from the Human Society about the myths and benefits of adopting pets. It's truly TRUE..

I hope we fall in love tomorrow, I'm thinking we should.. I'm gonna make this just as equivalent as taking a baby home for the first time. The advantage is you get to see what the baby looks like before hand: The runner uppers:


Female & cute!!


Male & cuddly!!

American Eskimo

Male & striking!!

It's not like I'm into blonde's or anything. These dogs were the ones that were available to my extra lovin taste.. I'm really hoping on Keira.. my Terrier passion is always first, so hopefully when I meet her she is as cool as she looks in the pictures.. <3>
Wish me well..

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Continually Crushing

I experienced a small case of nostalgia the other day.

I was watching TV, and on came a commerical for Brad Pitt's new movie that's in theaters Burn After Reading. Well after watching that serenade of a clip, I started to recollect how I have had a long crush on him and his movies.. along with him, Patrick Swayze & Young & the Restless talent Shamar Moore. (Yum)

The first time I remember falling lustfully over Brad (like I know him personally) was when I was watching the movie.. Legends of the Fall. I don't know what it was about me and that movie, isn't like there were any black people in it? Brad just looked so YUMMY..and wild. (ugh)
I think I was every bit of 14, and I had to tell all my friends about him. As these years tend to progress, his movies has gotten better and better.. and he: older and hotter..

Another hot movie was: (before The Legends...) was Thelma & Louise
Can you say young and tender? HAHA.. Long hair, short hair, ripped jeans or not. He could eat crackers in my bed any day..

Interview with a Vampire
Grosely hot with fangs and all..

Fight Club & Snatch
Are equally hotness.. I think for Fight Club he must of had to workout with a personal trainer for years, the body was out of control.

Ocean's 11 & 12 & Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Are equally hot & sophisticated. All the Brad fit fans have to agree with me here. Chic and davenare was the main ingredient in both of those movies.. sheesh.

Brad might be absolutely marvelous on the eyes, but I don't know what I can say too much about the brains. I saw him being interview with Oprah, and he seemed a little spaced out. His replies to her questions were like... Oookaayyy.. (while nodding in complete confusion) Maybe he was nervous about his transition from Aniston to Jolie..?

Whatever the flake.. he'll always be a hottie scottie in my book.

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