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Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Darkest Hour

I attended a funeral today.

Normally, they aren't too bad. Extremely sad yes, but usually I can empathetically make it through them. Especially if I'm paying my respects to someone I didn't quite know.

My husband's close friend lost his mother last week, due to a mixture of pills and medication. It wasn't necessarily intentional, but when she went to sleep she never woke up again.

I didn't know her, I met her, Donna is her name, a couple times while dating my husband. The eternity of one moment of meeting someone then they are gone in a blink of an eye. I felt incredibly sorry for our friend. He was very close to his mother, and she was all he had. That's one thing I couldn't ever image. Losing my mother. I have yet to even experience death on a personal level, and think I would just completely loose it. We've spent all week drying his tears and rubbing his back, and yet today felt like a heavy flood of sorrow and pain. Everything I noticed. It might of been cloudy here in our hearts but today was extremely beautiful. Vividly sunny, the bluest sky, and the warmest winds. He asked for her casket to be all white, it bore silver angels on the side and pink ribbon with her name written above it. The grass never looked so greener, with the dirt piled in heaps in the corner. Rose petals, previously taken apart for the barriel twirled in the wind mixed with the autumn leaves around the feet of her grandson who laid with his head on his mother's shoulder while her body shook with weeping.

Our friend's face was cold and I noticed he never looked up. My husband took to his side and cried with him, he once also lost his mother some time ago. When they were done, and the group of respecters scattered, I saw him lean with one knee on the dirt ground in his severely creased black dress pants and held on to the silver handle on his mother's casket.

I gave my husband a tight squeeze and we left our respects with our grieving friend.
The afternoon sun dried our tears, and the ride home was left unspoken.

What do you do when one loves another so. That when they pass, their grief is so indescribable, that they feel like they lost everything they've ever known in it's entirety. Such as losing a mother. I couldn't imagine.


dizzblnd said...

My thoughts and prayers go out to your husbands friend and his family. I still have both of my parents, and like you, I couldn't imagine losing my mom.

All you can do is be there for your husband as he is trying to help his friend cope. Understand the emotions you feel from your husband are the result of the helplessness he feels towards the inability to help his friend cope.

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