Can't Take It Anymore!

So I've been talking to my husband about quiting my job.

I am by no means a quiter but I can't take the stresses and unbalance of work loads anymore. I've been at the same profession since a year out of college. Actually I stopped school to work there full time, so I've been there ever since 2002. I've moved up and ranked but have yet to be fully satisfied with my working LIFE.

What do you do when you make an adquate amount of income but severely depressed about being there? Quit? I'm 27 now, will be 28 in July and I'm having this ora of self worth that keeps tapping me on the head asking me if this is what I was meant to be doing for the rest of m life? Then the RECESSION slug slithers over and says I gotta stay or I won't ever find anything else. What to do?

I've been thinking for a few years now about how I want to start my own business. We've been saving to buy a house, but I think I want to use that money to start up a small restraunt. It has always been a dream and I would consider it doing something I love. I complain I'm stressed now but owning a business can conjure just the same or even more head aches. BUT I will justify it as doing it for something I love doing? Right?

Second guessing myself is what I do best. lol Well this is how dreams begin, fueled by pains of instability. If I don't do this than I must do something.. I will personally give myself another year or two then I'm out the door. I must exspirence life with a new challenge, tackel it, kick the shit of out it, and maybe have time for a drink on the beach afterwards. We shall see!

The Kiss of Death

The title of this blog may sound like a Forensic File episode or maybe a funny story when actually it's a strory as serious as a heart attack.



Here in Kansas City we have a newly renovated downtown called "The Power and  Light District'. It houses many chic bars, restarurants, clubs and late night concerts. Well my friend and her cousin were going out for the evening. My friend and her cousin are both beautiful, young and vibrant ladies.



While in the club my friend said to her cousin, "Don't leave me this time, lets stay together tonight! I am not taking a cab home again." The cousin said, "Okay promise." Well after a couple drinks and some long dances the cousin met a guy that visually swept her off her feet. She said he was so sexy, tall and handsome. They kissed and made out during the night.... He asked her if he could take her to his house so they could continue their "love sessions". She said to him that she promised she couldn't leave her cousin alone. He begged and she begged my friend and my friend pleaded NO!... The cousin swapped numbers with him so they could re-ignite their passion elsewhere when they got the chance some other time. The girls went home, exchanged stories of the sexy random with hopes of calling him again sometime during the week.



A few days goes by and the cousin gets a painful, blistering type of cold sore on the bottom of her lips. This is extreamly embarrassing because she's fairly attractive. She immediately goes to the Dr. to see what type of sore was growing rapidly on her lips. The Dr. nicely advises her to wait while he runs some quick test to see what exactly what it was. The Dr. came back, completly serious and a tad shaken. He asks her, "Who have you recently been with or kissing to give you this on your face?" Embarrssed she denied no one and just said it grew there. He forces the answer out of her again. She again denied but anxiously wondered what the hell was going on?



 The Dr. left the room again. After awhile the Dr. came back escorting 2 male officers. The officers politely greeted her and asked her again. Scared out of her wits she obliged and asked what was going on?? With the Dr. standing by, the officer told her that what she had on her lip was an extreamly deadly fungus, but only found on dead caucuses, or deceased humans. She panicked and began to open up entirely. She told them the whole story of what happen that Saturday night and who she was with. The officers asked if she still had the phone number of the guy she was with. She did and gave it to them.



Days later the officers visited that sexy guy's house. They did a search while he wasn't home. Inside they found 2 dead bodies. Both female victims and about the same age of my friend and her cousin. The man was arrested and has been taken to jail. He hasn't been convicted of anything yet but we know for sure he was into necrophilia with these women.

Necrophilia: sexual arousal stimulated by a dead body. The stimulation can be either in the form of fantasies or actual physical sexual contact with a corpse.



It was totally traumatic for my friends family. Even for me! This is a true story and I couldn't believe this happened so close to home, or someone I knew. I believe in God and had to immediately pray and give thanks that she wasn't the next victim. Her life has been spared.


I had to call my BF in Cali just to let her know the craziness in our lil city and for her to be careful up there. You never know where situations in your life can take you. Hopefully my friends cousin will remember this and choose her surrounding and people wisely.

TV Watchin Time

So lately I've been diving in a few TV shows before school starts, and also considering it's winter and I can hibernate like the best of the bears. When I should be EXERCISING but that's another blog.

One of the show's I've watching is Tough Love on VH1. These ladies have made many failed attempts themselves at love so they go see Steven Ward a matchmaker who tries to offer them help at finding a partner. What intrigued me with this show is the personalities of some of these ladies. I've seen some of thier traits in my friends, family, co-workers.. hell even me. What I like is the help Steven is givin is foreal. Like MEN DO THINK THIS WAY! oh and also you have to learn to play their GAME. I learned that a loooong time ago. I would like to say that's how I snagged the hubs, but really I think I just know when to keep my mouth shut.... that's really all that matters...sadly. But the advice really is good advice what I do with my friends with the "same situations" is call them up and say.. "Hey have you seen that show Tough Love!? It's pretty interesting you should watch it!" lol

Other than that I might catch some others on the fly by like Hoarders on A&E. This is so odd to me and I know this is an actual medical mental condition but man it is interesting to watch? Espicially when I need to get my house clean. After watching that it will sure make you get up and get stuff out. These families are effected by a family member who surround themselves with trash/clutter/astronmical shopping and clothes. They have an emotional bond with these items and usually are suffering from some type of emotional trauma. Sad show really, espically when children are involved.

Back to the Basics

I had to take a long break but I'm back. It was nice coming back and reading every one's updates. I'm finally back at that place where I can happily blog again without saddening my readers. Tears aren't for everybody ya know.

On to bigger and better..!

This is a beautiful new year, with all kinds of beautiful new stuff to get into. I took my resolution balled it up and did a full fisted slam dunk to the toilet. I don't need anymore stresses in my life, just victories. So therefore, I'm trying my best not to set myself up to fail. Just taking everything as I go with stride & pride and after that call it a day.

Speaking of today, for a Monday it was glorious. My special half brought me lunch to work and sat there and ate it with me with the biggest smile on his face. Who could ask for anything more? I didn't but when he picked me up from work and after we went to the store he gave me the most sensual, loving, sweetest body massage ever. Candles, soft music and nurturing hands. I don't know why or what made him give me a treat so special, but I LOVED it!

So stoked things are looking up..

I see LIFE in a whole new light..

I've been missing all of my cool bloggerific friends, so I decided to come back and read and also give a lil update on how every thing's been going. Not only for you but to myself. Kinda like my way of talking it out.. feels good.

So... back in the end of June my grandma passed. All my talking and blogging of not calling her kind of choked me up. Very unexpected, she was only 66.. so I've been dealing with that. Finally got back on my feet and dried my tears until July 27th came, and my water breaks.. I announced on here that I was preggo. I made it all the way to 17 weeks and 3 days and my water fucking breaks. Did you know a baby can't survive without it's amniotic fluid for the rest of the pregnancy.. well it can they said by the grace of God but it would have a multitude of complications.

That hurt like a ton of wrecking balls to the heart.

It as a boy, exactly what I wanted sooo bad, I was going to name him Ellis. Even though he was 9 oz he had so much character in his face, arms and legs long like his Dad's, lips and nose like mine. Even right down to the matching shape of the toes finger nails.. he was going to be so beautiful.

My birthday was July 29th so you know I was damning God for such a wonderful birthday gift, but time has passed and I'm ok, we're okay. We're actually going to wait until our original agreement of 30 to try again.. get some time to get healthier, go to church.. just whatever ever it takes to get a life back on a that positive level..

On a happier note I'll be back with a new me.. life's too short, all this death has opened me up a lil bit. I'll most definitely have something to blog about now.. lol

Seeing is Believing..

and then I almost had a panic attack. NO.. I did have a panic attack..

I went on babycenter.com to look up information, research mommy details that I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE ABOUT.. like the actual birthing of a baby. I sat here at work, played the video. Didn't look too bad, it was like lady's top part of her body, she was just in pain..screaming a tad. THEN the camera goes way SOUTH. .. my heartbeat races, I'm sweating a little so I take off my sweater, I see the head of the baby, and blood stretching this woman's vulva to complete capacity..my stomach turns, and I start darting my eyes looking for a trash can.. I grab a laminated chart and start to fan myself, close my eyes and breathe deeply..until my heart races slower.. What the hell just happened? Was I that disturbed over having a baby?

Usually I'm not such a bitch over slimy, bloody, eerie things, but that got to me.

I'm totally clueless on all this stuff and it's starting to stress me out. I think this is where it's coming from. I mean you should see my dreams. Talk about weird.

Lately, I've been bugging my mom friends with all these questions. I know they are getting so tired of me asking questions that seem so, I dunoo.. dumb!? I call one up and ask about what she does with her kids while she's at work. lol So we talk about Daycare. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT DAYCARE COST?.. it's a whole brand new (LEXUS) car payment a month!!! What a rip off. So, what the hell am I gonna do?
Stay home? Yea right! Who can do that anymore? I think my hubs will have to work nights and I will work mornings.. Good-bye to seeing him anymore.. Guess that's just what having a child is about sacrificing some time together.. ? Whatever. I'm game. Fuckin bring it.

Here is the link to that video.. go see a baby born and see if you don't lose your lunch. lol Mother Giving Birth Epideral

Natural Birth

A Stork Has Landed!

Well we all know what that means now... don't we?

YES! We're having a baby! My husband and I pregnant! I know I've been absent which I sometimes do, but dealing with new fetus's in your uterus will actually deter you from alot of things. I'm happy, we're happy.. totally was an accident but good things come out those, so hey. We wanted to wait until the big 30, but 27 is close enough.

Just to update you I'm 11 weeks, so beginning of the 3rd month. I had a great 2 months, well I won't jump off the hinge and say GREAT, I had some nausea, but I didn't throw up once. Actually if it wasn't for me checking the calendar I wouldn't even of known. All I knew is I wasn't feeling like myself. I kept waking up and saying that, and I had constant butterflies. NAUSEA. Some say that's actually worse than throwing up, but after my favorite treat or two it would go away.

This baby is the first on both sides of our families, since we both are the first born grandchildren. So alot of people are excited. Husband is still in agh. He can't believe we're making humans now.. He wants to crash every hobby, fun activity, wish and want in "before the baby comes". I'm like, life isn't over when children come into your life. ...........Right? (totally 2nd guessing) I'm thinking, it's really just beginning.

I do have some fears but don't new mothers all? I wanted to wait to tell people, but 3 months is getting pretty good..if something bad happens then I've rather loved a new baby that's gone then to have never loved a new baby at all... lol (thanks William)

It's a new wondrous experience becoming a new Mommy. I sure don't know what in the hell is next, nor what the hell I'm doing but I'll surly take it. I'm due January 1st, 2010.