I see LIFE in a whole new light..

I've been missing all of my cool bloggerific friends, so I decided to come back and read and also give a lil update on how every thing's been going. Not only for you but to myself. Kinda like my way of talking it out.. feels good.

So... back in the end of June my grandma passed. All my talking and blogging of not calling her kind of choked me up. Very unexpected, she was only 66.. so I've been dealing with that. Finally got back on my feet and dried my tears until July 27th came, and my water breaks.. I announced on here that I was preggo. I made it all the way to 17 weeks and 3 days and my water fucking breaks. Did you know a baby can't survive without it's amniotic fluid for the rest of the pregnancy.. well it can they said by the grace of God but it would have a multitude of complications.

That hurt like a ton of wrecking balls to the heart.

It as a boy, exactly what I wanted sooo bad, I was going to name him Ellis. Even though he was 9 oz he had so much character in his face, arms and legs long like his Dad's, lips and nose like mine. Even right down to the matching shape of the toes finger nails.. he was going to be so beautiful.

My birthday was July 29th so you know I was damning God for such a wonderful birthday gift, but time has passed and I'm ok, we're okay. We're actually going to wait until our original agreement of 30 to try again.. get some time to get healthier, go to church.. just whatever ever it takes to get a life back on a that positive level..

On a happier note I'll be back with a new me.. life's too short, all this death has opened me up a lil bit. I'll most definitely have something to blog about now.. lol