You want to say it’s funny and how you think God has a sense of humor, but I really think it doesn’t work that way. I’m trying to remove myself to ponder on my situation and view it from the highest mountain peak to further understand my dilemmas. I go searching for something in the places that aren’t meant to be searched. Turns out, the very thing I long for the most is given to someone else. I’m lost, yet glowing so bright, I mirror the diamond ring at the bottom of the sea. What heartbreak, to say the least.
I want to blame myself for the stupid choices I’ve made, yet excuse myself for not being strong enough through all the crisis. “One can only hold on for so long” I said to myself. However, to fully remove myself from my morality just to steal someone else’s joy is the epitome of all self deficiency. “That’s what you get..” I said to myself. For removing my mind from the right path onto another that leads to heartache, turmoil, betrayal and deceit.
What am I to do? When my head and heart are in so deep, fermenting in its own perplexity. Spending restless nights looking at my reflection in the mirror, hoping the pain in my eyes will reveal all the unanswered questions. “I need to start back praying” I said to myself. God has all the answers. God can remove the doubt, the unwanted longing, and the emotions that are forever imprinted inside the bowels of my existence. With Him, like morning dew, I am washed clean.
“Come, lay down with me..” I said to him.
Let’s forever cease to be, captured in all the glorious moments of our shared eternity. Forget me not, the times frozen in still but today...in this presence, where that journey towards emptiness ends, I have broken free.