Wednesday, June 9, 2010
What's going on with marriage today? I must admit I'm utterly confused? Being almost 3 years in, I'm thinking we are invincible.
My girlfriend in California is trying the dating thing out there. She's having a great time being single, black, and getting to know herself more as she ages. Occasionally, she'll entertain me with a crazy story with one of her guys she is "talking" to at the moment. This one in particular, Vincent... :::shaking my head::
My girlfriend went out for her birthday, turning 27. She meets a guy coming out of the bar. He's stepping out with his friends, getting into his latest Lexus SUV. He sees my girlfriend walking with her friends. He steps out and catches her before she crosses the street. He asked for her name and began with the 'let me give you a call shepeal' ..
While he was talking she peeps into the back seat of the SUV, she saw a car seat AND a booster seat. Two kids, really??. Normally after seeing that she would of passed up automatically, but after a dry spell or two, and experiencing the small pool of men that actually don't want to try forever, she decided to give him a try. They traded numbers, he calls her.
Vincent is a black, handsome college educated, frat brother in his late twenties... she asks him during the phone conversation about the kiddie caboodle in the back. He said, yea he has kids. He and girlfriend had recently broken up and he was staying with his mother. He has a 4 year old an a 2 month old. A 2 month old is pretty freaking fresh!.. She understood, he was cute, so she gave him a try. After a couple weeks and a steamy unexpected make out session in the the elevator, she fiiinnnaally gave up the cookie.
After all the dates out, many in depth conversations, wine and over nights he started to let his guard down. He sat on the floor with both of his arms perched on top of the bed. My friend glanced at his left hand and stared at the bright tan line with all the glowing red arrows pointing to it. She leaned on the wall..."Are you married???" Calm and smooth as butter he said, "Nope, it's a birth mark." Inside she was furious because not only was that fucking ridiculous, it was saying she was completely stupid to her face. She wanted his trust to further reveal his lies, so she smirked.. "No, really.. how long have you been married?"
He said 8 years. "We have a wonderful relationship." " I love her and she loves me, I just need to step out once in awhile. Everyone does it, you wouldn't believe who all I know who do this type a thing. Over 90% of married men have cheated or WILL cheat at some time, it's just in our nature" She said, "Does your wife know??" He said, "No, are you crazy. I keep this completely under control." She said, "Why didn't you tell me you was married..???" He then committed to further dig himself into lies, like.... " I really liked you and I didn't want you to find out because I didn't know you was gonna take it??.. you are so smart, and our conversations are just so good, and I can't talk to my wife like I can talk to you.. blah blah blah... fucking blah.
All the information crept up and came out like vomit. He spewed it everywhere like he was begging to get it out. Usually habitual liars are eventually like that with someone. He said, he purposely got a membership at 24 Hour Fitness because why??...It's open 24 hours and he can say he's there when he's with whichever woman. When he meets girls, he makes up a story about his life, and he uses alot of energy hiding the tan line by sitting on the right side of the girl, so his left arm can be over her shoulder. The whole object was to be good at lying. So then he began confessing a story on his in's and outs on meeting another chick he was currently "talking" to. He said he didn't care about her so he always wore his wedding ring around her. It took her roommate to finally point it out. When it was all out in the open between the 3 of them, he said she didn't care one bit.
My friend asked, "Would you be okay if you wife did it to you?" He said, "No... not really. But what I don't know won't hurt me."
Are these people crazy!!!??
Needless to say, but she was hurt. Because she allowed herself to trust him with her emotions, to open up to dating a man with kids, and for him not letting her decide on how to feel about him being married. Thank GOD she's totally against it, but what got to her was this new type of man. We're noticing we're not kids anymore, 27 is getting to the age of life consciousnesses. My girlfriend said, she never even thought to examine the wedding finger and who would go to so far links to lie and betray the love of another human being you promised your life too? She said.."This is the crap you see Sunday on Lifetime.. not in my studio Long Beach apartment.
Later in the week, at work she started looking at the clients that were men fingers at her job. A man in his 60's hit on her, he asked that she email him sometime. Not call but email. He was coming back from a long trip at a time share.. he kept saying we. She didn't see a ring and didn't think he was married until he called back up there after he left to see if his wife left the garage opener there.. she confirmed it was him.
Why are so many married men cheating?