The Darkest Hour

I attended a funeral today.

Normally, they aren't too bad. Extremely sad yes, but usually I can empathetically make it through them. Especially if I'm paying my respects to someone I didn't quite know.

My husband's close friend lost his mother last week, due to a mixture of pills and medication. It wasn't necessarily intentional, but when she went to sleep she never woke up again.

I didn't know her, I met her, Donna is her name, a couple times while dating my husband. The eternity of one moment of meeting someone then they are gone in a blink of an eye. I felt incredibly sorry for our friend. He was very close to his mother, and she was all he had. That's one thing I couldn't ever image. Losing my mother. I have yet to even experience death on a personal level, and think I would just completely loose it. We've spent all week drying his tears and rubbing his back, and yet today felt like a heavy flood of sorrow and pain. Everything I noticed. It might of been cloudy here in our hearts but today was extremely beautiful. Vividly sunny, the bluest sky, and the warmest winds. He asked for her casket to be all white, it bore silver angels on the side and pink ribbon with her name written above it. The grass never looked so greener, with the dirt piled in heaps in the corner. Rose petals, previously taken apart for the barriel twirled in the wind mixed with the autumn leaves around the feet of her grandson who laid with his head on his mother's shoulder while her body shook with weeping.

Our friend's face was cold and I noticed he never looked up. My husband took to his side and cried with him, he once also lost his mother some time ago. When they were done, and the group of respecters scattered, I saw him lean with one knee on the dirt ground in his severely creased black dress pants and held on to the silver handle on his mother's casket.

I gave my husband a tight squeeze and we left our respects with our grieving friend.
The afternoon sun dried our tears, and the ride home was left unspoken.

What do you do when one loves another so. That when they pass, their grief is so indescribable, that they feel like they lost everything they've ever known in it's entirety. Such as losing a mother. I couldn't imagine.

Phone Anxiety

I totally think this disorder is made up, mainly for the fact because I've never heard anything about it. Well... I feel I have it. In a selfish kind of way. The other day I decided to google it, so see if there were any other "phone challenged" people out there, and behold: I came across another blogger in fact, who has the same disorder. (for the lack of words), Cicada Song: Phone Anxiety put it EAXTLY how I felt in a nutshull. I mean, damn near almost exactly. I couldn't believe it..

Ok, so what is it exactly? Your wondering? Well I'm not afraid of callers, or afraid to talk to people, I love people. I just refuse to let people take advantage of me and put all their drama and shitty conversation in my trash can. Just so happened I was raped of my ears and ability to empathise while talking with a close friend. She yabbed and yaaaaabbed, talked and talked that I couldn't get a word in to even have her back and say that she's right. I never got a chance to say hey, this is whats going on with me.. I'm a great listner, but damn! It really makes a dull evening when it's not a c-o-n-v-e-r-s-a-t-i-o-n. Maybe it's the entrapement feeling on the phone? I LOVE meeting up over dinner, lunch plans, and we can talk for hours!

Just the phone?

So, it was her, then another friend, then another..to where I just complety made myself unavailble. I got rid of my cell phone, and devoted my time to more self-fullfilling projects. Now if you read Cicada's..she goes more into detail about messaging and everything. Like for example I'm your best friend over the computer, I'll email you until the cows come home, but to get locked in to a verbal dissucsion where I'm backed into a wall all night.. nah. I'm ok. I'll be the first to hang up but then I feel guilty..You don't always want to be the first to end every conversation all the time..?

It might sound kind of selfish, but it can wear ya down a little.

Now, I've gotten a little better, plus I need a cell phone cause I was missing my parents calling at home, and what if I was being murdered, I would kinda like to take advantage of modern technology and have a cell phone near by... ya know?

Plus, now the girls know what's up. We've talked and they have given more short iter-active converations, and I'm cool with that.
They're realizing that highschool is over.. if you want to empty your emotions, bring it on, but to do it all night? Getta shrink.

Shit.

Whatever: Fashion's Close Call

I'm not going to post anything about Project Runway. I'm fairly angry.

Korto's fashions was so HOTT... Leanne.. whatever. That shit was bunk!

I hope Korto's work wasn't slept on...here's a lil peek of her hard work:

Liquor & Music : My Long Lost Friends

I haven't "went out" in quite awhile now. My girl friend from high school called me up and gave me the invite. She hasn't had the opportunity to go out and get wasted in some months, so I thought I'd join. She has 2 boys and the fathers aren't any way shape in the pictures, so if she gets a chance to have a break, then I have no problem breaking with her. I don't have any children, so I can't even imagine how bad she wants to escape from diapers, fights, and stepped on toy parts.

We decided to go to the Legends, it's a fairly new place in BFE, out here in the country. It's mainly all new shops and restaurants. It has a chain of bars that are connected with different music. GF listens to mostly country, so I knew which one I going too. I listen to everything but country.. so I started my tab real quick.



The bartender (of course) was pretty damn hot.. GF liked him too. I'm married so it was hands off for me, she's not so I told her to go in for the kill, instead she asked for a Blue Hawaiian something and a Jagger bomb. A Jagger bomb? I don't do those.. I had Patron on the rocks. Once I finished..among the tussle, the bartender slid me another one under the sly.. FOR FREE.. I told him thanks, and the girls were ooouin. Maybe because the place was empty and I was all leggs with my black 4inch Guess heelz?

4 shots and 1 pineapple rum later I was still pretty nice. GF and the group was pretty wasted: mission accomplished. We went to different spots a couple of times, I helped with her boobs like 50 times, picked her up from the floor a billion times. Now doing this and achieving in trying to stay cute are extremely difficult.

None the less, I haven't been out in months, so this was still pretty exciting. I made it home and a phone call later to see if she was ok sealed the night. Actually, my husband likes to take advantage of the inebriated, so once I was taken advantage of then it was a sealed deal. Isn't all the time where you get a happy ending to a great drunken night.. haha.

Tag I'm it!

Missy from Just Another Stupid Blog tagged me for a book meme

Here are the rules: Grab the nearest book. Open the book to page 56. Find the fifth sentence. Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your journal/blog along with these instructions. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST. Tag five other people to do the same.

The closest book to me that I actually have saved on my computer because I went and downloaded it for free a month ago was "The Truth About Cheating" by M. Gary Neuman. I saw this book on a show on Oprah, my husband isn't cheating by any means, but it's real nice to know ways to keep it ever going that way. Plus I find this smutty, life coach stuff interesting anyway.

Pg. 56: Beyond that, be aware not to talk a lot about how you and your husband are going to get closer. Just keep the conversation to agreeing on some rules for this new relationship. I wanted to make sure his ass wasn't broken before I took him back. HA! Juuusss kiiddiinngg. He's a great lil pal he is. Love at first sight was how we met.

I only have 1 follower.. so I'll tag

acute_disaster

Quincy is his name.

We've gotta dawggie!! YEA.. We've actucally had em for damn near 2 weeks now. I wanted to make sure his ass wasn't broken before I took him back. HA! Juuusss kiiddiinngg. He's a great lil pal he is. Love at first sight was how we met.

The 2 dogs I previous choose was already gone! Keira and Hemmingway.. gone! So, I went to go check out Jake. In person, Jake was a lil hyper, and scary lookin. I mean he was white white. Also, he wasn't neutred, I didn't want to deal with comming back and mending to his balls all weekend. BUT... when I saw "Sagan" (that's what they named him) I was taken away.

I walked by his cage (didn't know he was a he then, because he acutally looked like a gurl because he was so darn cute)he was quiet, doing a little pace back and forth. My aunt was with me and kept taking me to other cages, but I didn't want to leave his cage. I was scared somebody was gonna take em, since the others vansished into thin air. His fur was all dirty and he stunk to high heaven. The attendant let us meet him on a leash and he was running everywhere while taking a quick lick to himself every now and again. I told my aunt he must of had surgery with all that licking and sure enough he did. No babies for my baby.

We bought him home, I decided to name him Chauncy. My husband thought that was gay (for the lack of words) and decided on Quincy. Which I feel is gay-er. Well to each his own. We could call him shit face and he'd still be cute as a button.

He's 2 years old, trianed and smart as a whip! I'm sure we'll have many stories in the future about all his cuteness and curiosities.

Take a gander: Quincy Q

Suburbian Blues

I was real down the other day.

I want to say my down-ness wasn't due to what's going on in the world, but maybe it had some underlying effect. I was reading an article on USA Today and it was talking about the stress on Americans as we worry about the economic crises. I don't know really. I have a job, my husband and I are fed. We don't own a house, but we are saving for it.. now I have that tinge of fear they have been talking about. What if we don't get our home? Ugh.


The economy is sick, and it's gonna take forever for it to get better? Ok, maybe not forever, but it's gonna feel like forever until we buy a house. I know there are alot people in worse shape than I, so I should be empathetically estastic where we are right now. Maybe it could be where I live too. I'm middle class living in an apt where all the upper upper class live. Like NFL football player's (Kansas City Cheifs SUCK!) and CEO's live down a street where I walk my dog, in these MEGA manchines. Maybe that could be effecting my ego? I go into work each day, dreadfully, and barely awake while I see ladies swinging their ponytails running at 9:00 on a weekday morning on the sidewalks. I want to swing my ponytail and run 9:00 on a weekday morning on the sidewalks.

Nope. I have to sit at a desk for 7.5 hours. Then I go to my lunch break at 11:30am at the local grocery store to get a salad. I have to squeeze my boat of an Aurora in between two gas sucking monster vehicles: the popular Land Rover and the not so popular Hummer. Then I wait 15 minutes to leave the parking lot because of all the stay at home moms and their 10 shopping carts and crowds of kids.

I'm not complaining, or "hatin" on the rich none the less, it just can wear ya down a little. I guess in the back of your head (when you see it constantly) you know sooomeebody isn't worrying. I saw a goooood show on fiances on Oprah (yes, I really don't like her, but she has some good shows w/ good topics SOMETIMES)and Susie Orman was on, and she was talkin about the lies we all live, and the persona we crave to keep up while ruining our credit and finances. So, maybe half of those people I was talking about are just living the lie, when in actuality they never was really set in the first place?

Well who cares.. I'm not gonna let it worry me, even if I don't ever get a house at then end of the day I'm still gonna be happy.. and loved... in my cozy 2 bed crib.