Getting Used to my New Snatch..

Sorry to be so damn blunt..

but I'm not very privy to the priveldge of the pussy..

In other words: I FINALLY got a girlie girl shape up. Not like what you think, and no it didn't involve wax. I rather not bleed through my panties to mirror a 12 year old girl. No matter how much grown up pedofile men like it. lol

I just decided to free myself from the liberated 1970's woman's movement and really "mow the lawn" so to speak. I guess my husband has had his last teeth flossing and jungle safari. He said.. "Hey woman!, it's a jungle down here!" lol

My girlfriends get brazilian's all the time, when they ask me, I just laugh and put my fist in the air. Hence, staying dedicated to my afro look. This time though, my husband brought me a cool neato gadet. A intamte lady shaver... I LOVE IT! It's like girlie pink clippers for that area, you can even do designs! Except, that's pretty creepy.. I've been using it and was afraid if I went to close it would cause a new hair growth itching party in my pants, but IT HASN'T! Yesssss!!!

I say that because when I was in the 5th grade that happened. I shaved it clean off. Hair started to grow back and I was clawing at my coo coo like it was a spawn of satan. So.. I never did it again.. bare-ly.

Now I'm dancing, floating and fancy freeeee... (picture a tampax commercial, that's me) So if you don't like your BUSH (not the politician), then try out a new cool fun shaver.

O YEA.. here is the cool shaver.

Yea, It's THAT Time

Why did Eve have to eat the apple?

I damn her every time my girlfriend wants to pay a visit. Meaning, the doomed Menstrual Cycles, Periods, "On the Rag" whatever you would like to call it. I call it "Girlfriend", cause even though it's far from hell of being a "friend", I still try to be optimistic and befriend the: bloating, cramping, back aching, boobie tenderness, mood swings, TV show crying, smooth bowels, and sweets scarfing.

I know I should of paid close attention to the clues last week, but I was in phase mode of working and up keeping the home.

First sign my boobs felt like they were stretched to complete capacity in my bra, and they ached. I snapped at my mom, felt horrible, then came home from work on the same day and slept 6 hours! Yesterday was the Oh great! Your here.. and then the paaaiinn. I already took a 800mg last nite, hoping it will medicate until the next day.. and it didn't. Now I'm at work, back throbbing and I have no bullets and no gun. Ok, totally joking, but I'm not one to be messed with today!

Most of my bloggy buddies are ladies, so do you guys have great menstrual weeks? or am I the only one clawing up the wall?

Menstrual Cycles sure can put a damper on your party. I just looked up "On the Rag"and did you know this was where it came from?:

Answer.com: The phrase “on the rag” originated sometime during the late 19th to early 20th century. When a woman was menstruating, she was “on the rag,” a phrase that literally described the way women of the day protected themselves from accidents during menstruation. Each woman had a supply of rags for specific use during menstruation. Women would layer rags together until they were sufficiently thick, then use pins to attach the rags to their panties. After each use, the women would wash the rags and hang them out to dry. Each woman had a special place (usually a bag in her underwear drawer) where she kept her rags for the next time she menstruated.

Ugh! I couldn't imagine!! My mom told me they used to use these belt type thinggys that held a pad in place because the stickie on the back wasn't invented yet. A jock strap for a pad!? Yea, that's REAL sexy! LOL

My research came up with this picture:


Was this how they were worn? Would blood just flow down the legs and onto clothes? I'm so confused!? And this was like 30-35 years ago! So not that long. Oh how I take stickie adhesive for granted. Thank you stickie adhesive makers for allowing me to walk publicly down the street without blood running down my leg, or trying to stuff a whole bed sheet into my panties to catch it. Thank you.

The Stright DOPE! gave a interesting article on Tampons, I guess women have been make shifting their own for years, even before the belted pads. I know I would!

Apparently, as time passed, tampons went underground. By the 1930s, when commercial tampons became available, some women were already making their own "out of surgical cotton, cutting strips to size and rolling them tightly for insertion, or they bought natural sea sponges at cosmetics or art supply stores and trimmed them into reusable tampons," Friedman writes. "But these women belonged to an exclusive margin of society; they tended to be actresses, athletes, or prostitutes--all dubious professions, in the eyes of 'respectable' women."

BUT: according to Wiki answers: The tampon with an applicator and string was invented in 1929 and submitted for patent in 1931 by Dr. Earle Haas, an American from Denver, Colorado. Tampons based on Dr. Haas' design were first sold in the U.S. in 1936.

WHY, oh WHY would people wear belts if these things was already patented in 1931!

I know why, because I started my period when I was 10, and it took me all the way until I was 17 to wear tampons. I thought it was weird with something up there without it feeling good. haha However, currently they are my bestfriend.

Ok enough bloody talk. I'm ready to go home, eat my salad, drink my hot tea and hit the sheets! Clean ones, that is. =0)

New Born Baby Anyone?

Pregnancy must be in the drinking water here in Kansas. Seems like everyone and their mama is pregnant. Three ladies here at work, my youngest sister, and a couple in my husband's family. One of the ladies here at work actually got married the same day as I did, and now she's preggo. We saw each other in the kitchen, flaunting her beautiful belly. lol I asked:

Me: Wow, baby's getting bigger! When are you due?

Mrs.Glowing : March 13th

Me: Wow, hope that's not on a Friday! :: Laughing::

Mrs. Glowing: < stone face >

Me: Well, haha.. you look great, I can't wait to pop one out soon.

Mrs. Glowing: What are you waiting for?

Me: 5 years, it's what we said, so hopefully by 30.

Mrs. Glowing: 30! I'll be on my next one by then! Good luck.

Me: We just wanted a little time for ourselves. We barely like each other now, no telling if we had a baby today.

Mrs. Glowing: < stone face >

Me: ::thinking:: I don't like talking to her anyways.


SO with all that baby talk, I am kinda jealous of the new expectant mamas. I do want a little one, but aren't they like forever? No return policy with that at all huh? My husband is still playing around himself. A baby would just throw a wrench in the whole party. I have this small inclination to want to get it started though, I don't want to be old with a kindergartner, but then again maybe not. If we don't give some time to ourselves we would really want to kill each other like War of the Roses with Micheal Douglas. Watch it sometime, it's funny.

Some of you are mothers on here, and I know your children are the brightest star's in your sky. It must be an awesome feeling to be a mother. I know my mama thinks so.

Vainity & The Purpose to Be Hairless

To be a woman, means so much. One of which is to be pretty damn cute at all times. Some how, subjectively... that doesn't work for me. HOWEVER, I will maintain casual up keep and maintenance it would take to make me look presentable not crazy. I am by no means VAIN, but how far can you go to be a woman and to not be in the same category as vanity.

Vanity: An inflation of mind upon slight grounds; empty pride inspired by an overweening conceit of one's personal attainments, appearance or decorations; an excessive desire for notice or approval; pride; ostentation; conceit.

Well that just makes it sound so negative. I'm sure we all take the extra measure for a little personal attention. I read an article that said that women look in the mirror 27 times a day. 27 times? For what? I know I do about half that... not including the glass work doors, the vending machine reflection and the back of my ID case. lol

I speak of this because I'm damning the day I decided to get laser hair removal. I've been doing it for a few years now, but like alot of women that are afraid to admit it, I do get a nice hairy visitor above my upper lip, and side burns that could make Elvis blush. Thanks to some wonderful genes and a few chromosomes this was able to be carried to me. My latin chikas got it just as bad and their gorgeous, it just happens..so we share our secrets.

At this moment, my face is burning off and red like I slept on a oven eye.. The stuff we go through to be beautiful. Here are some other shamelessly beauty vanities that make being a woman that much harder.

1. Laser hair removal

2. Brazilian Waxing, did it come from Brazil? Crazy people

3. Labia Surgery, which I think is a crock, unless your a hermaphrodite

4. Sweat Gland Surgery

5. Buttock Implants I got my mine from my mama.. lol

I'd say stick w/ what God gave you and make it work in your life. My friends might call me Mufassa <~~ (hairy lion) but I'm still happy... without the labia or ass surgery. lol