Totally NOT a Good Look

So, catching up on the drama I first blogged about, first take a gander at this one: Abuse

After all the drama and more insanely crazy issues with this maniac she decides to:

MARRY HIM.

After all the bull shit, all the crazy mean allegations and nonsense. They wed. At the court house just last weekend. Now, I must admit, since all the crazy drama between the two of them this guy, now her husband made the effort to clean up a tad, became and little sweeter, started doing stuff for her, becoming more of a guy great..

Well I guess not..

They've been having some short arguments and disagreements now and then before the court house ceremony, but tell me why after the ceremony............... he flips!?

On Friday night, the day I took off for myself I spent all night helping her get ready for this, she led me to believe that he had changed, and he's all about being with her forever, he's good for her daughter.. yaaaaddda yaddda yada. Majority of her friends left her, and he has pushed many of her family away because of the whole situation. Knowing this, I felt like she needed to have soooooomebody in her life, but somehow I didn't know how much of a undertaking that really was. The whole situation is so sour.

The night of their marriage, she'd made plans to go to a very elaborate themed hotel, with rose petals on the bed, Jacuzzi, champagne & fruit and such. Spent all this money on lingerie and what does he do? Makes her night a living hell. While trying to consummate the marriage he blames her for not successfully fulfilling the big O. Which can be a problem sometimes when your: sleepy, stressed, tired, worried etc. So instead of Turing over and calling it a night, he throws the hugest tantrum, yells, argues, blames her for crazy non-existing stuff.. and worse says the most vile, ill mannered things a man should never say to a woman. Telling her she would never be a _______ (his last name). She only got with him to be her baby's new daddy & mentioned how payback is a bitch, he's so angry he could get her again (sleeping with another woman, which he'd done 1 month before) Now he never laid a hand on her, but the mental & emotional abuse she received ON THEIR WEDDING NIGHT.. was incredibly sick. Like, are you kidding me.. (more things happened that night, that I couldn't possibly indulge, I just can't believe it)

She interrupted me during my cooked sushi eating and called and told me all this.. I didn't want to tell her I told her so, but that's what I felt. The only words I uttered was get an annulment first thing Monday morning, your life will be a living hell if you don't do something about it now.

She cried, I listened. She was confused I tried to cover her with sane consciousness. At the end of our convo I asked so what are you going to do? I don't know... she said. I don't know.

From there, I thought.. welll damn. I tried to be there, but I don't know how much friend to friend stupidity I can possibly take. Why would someone want to re-loop their life with such insane drama & stressful intensity like that?..

I told her that he was a PSYCHOPATH: –noun Psychiatry.
A person with an antisocial personality disorder, manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse.

And a NARCISSIST: -noun Psychiatry
A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.

To me that's crazy people.. ? My mom is a Holy Roly ( joke for someone who's deeply in the scriptures and talk the word of God for everything- which isn't a bad thing) said, he's a possessed individual and has the spirit of Satan all over him. She told me to pray for them and if she doesn't listen to just keep away.. like.. it's like that serious!

I was watching Oprah, and she had the father on from Sugarland, TX who son shot the whole family after the son's graduation dinner b/c he wasn't going to graduate from college. The son was obviously mentally crazy, they psychologist called him a sociopath, and he was a narcissist too, that he was able to do this.. Kill his family.. these are signs. That's when I thought about my friend.. SIGNS. That people don't look at because they are too worried about their superficial emotions.

Well .. the signs are clear and I hope nothing like death ever happens to her, but I have to back out of this one. How long do you stay & lend that ear? Supposedly my thoughts and mentions don't mean much, when she calls about the same situation I just say them all over and again and I'm tired of it. Soon just the arguing and making her feel incredibly retched will not be good for him, he will have to elevate to something more hurtful when those cries aren't enough..

You just have to get the crazy people out of your life.. don't ya'll agree?

I never thought in my life I'd come across such a thing. These phyco's really exist.

Dilemma of the Heart

For the past week I've been helping a close girlfriend of mine get through a horrendous time in her life. She's been dating this guy since August.

She loves him.. he said he loved her. So he moved in with her after leaving his ex-wife. They have fun, take trips, have great sex, get tattoos of each other..

She says he is her absolute soul mate. Satisfies the mind and the body.

I had the opportunity of meeting him a few times. My stomach said something different, but my heart wanted to feel all happiness for my friend. So I did.

The days went by, everyday life settled in, and the love well ran dry.

First call was like.. "I had to take down, (pics) and get rid of all my guy friends, and no more playing volley-ball, guys are there and he'll get jealous."

Then..

"We're getting married in January, and I'm trying to have his baby. He loves me so much!"

Next..

"We had an argument last night.. he tricked me into saying something I didn't want to say, and he said he'll leave me, that I'm an ugly bitch, and a bad mother".. e.t.c

And..

"I didn't wake him up in time, and iron his clothes, so he was mad, he was gonna throw a bowl of cereal at my face!"

This was just the beginning. After many attempts of explaining that this was not the "one", and that she was being controlled & abused she finally reached out. He was still talking to his ex-wife on a regular basis. My friend called and retrieved some information on him... he was nothing like he ever built the image to be.

Per the advice of the ex, she submitted for a restraining order.

Under a restraining order you must not talk, or have any type of communication whatsoever. Well, her heart failed her and she broke it. She called him and wanted
to talk about why she did it. (because she was scared for her and her child)

An abuser can be a great manipulator. She told him everything, how she had been talking to this ex. He told her everything that the ex said was a lie. The psychopath mind of an abuser switched back on to the lover side and convinced her that everything everybody has told her was a lie, and that he was the best thing in her life, and that he would come back ONLY.. under some circumstances:

1) She write a letter to the court office annulling the restraining order by saying she was on drugs and reported false information
2) She write a letter to her family saying she was on drugs and that everything was a lie and that she emotionally hurt him and abused her own daughter.

Absolute control.

She said no.

He put it on her again.. they met up. Her heart once again failed, and she gave in and now they're back together.

After changed locks, court documents, fights with the ex-husband, relocation and ridicule from family and friends..

She let him win again. How come the urge of love is so strong that no matter what kind of shit its made up as, they will still take abusers back?

Fucking ridiculous.