Imprudent Hearts

Imprudent Hearts

You want to say it’s funny and how you think God has a sense of humor, but I really think it doesn’t work that way. I’m trying to remove myself to ponder on my situation and view it from the highest mountain peak to further understand my dilemmas. I go searching for something in the places that aren’t meant to be searched. Turns out, the very thing I long for the most is given to someone else. I’m lost, yet glowing so bright, I mirror the diamond ring at the bottom of the sea. What heartbreak, to say the least.

I want to blame myself for the stupid choices I’ve made, yet excuse myself for not being strong enough through all the crisis. “One can only hold on for so long” I said to myself. However, to fully remove myself from my morality just to steal someone else’s joy is the epitome of all self deficiency. “That’s what you get..” I said to myself. For removing my mind from the right path onto another that leads to heartache, turmoil, betrayal and deceit.

What am I to do? When my head and heart are in so deep, fermenting in its own perplexity. Spending restless nights looking at my reflection in the mirror, hoping the pain in my eyes will reveal all the unanswered questions. “I need to start back praying” I said to myself. God has all the answers. God can remove the doubt, the unwanted longing, and the emotions that are forever imprinted inside the bowels of my existence. With Him, like morning dew, I am washed clean.

“Come, lay down with me..” I said to him.

Let’s forever cease to be, captured in all the glorious moments of our shared eternity. Forget me not, the times frozen in still but today...in this presence, where that journey towards emptiness ends, I have broken free.

Infidelity & Tan Lines

What's going on with marriage today? I must admit I'm utterly confused? Being almost 3 years in, I'm thinking we are invincible.

My girlfriend in California is trying the dating thing out there. She's having a great time being single, black, and getting to know herself more as she ages. Occasionally, she'll entertain me with a crazy story with one of her guys she is "talking" to at the moment. This one in particular, Vincent...  :::shaking my head::

My girlfriend went out for her birthday, turning 27. She meets a guy coming out of the bar. He's stepping out with his friends, getting into his latest Lexus SUV. He sees my girlfriend walking with her friends. He steps out and catches her before she crosses the street. He asked for her name and began with the 'let me give you a call shepeal' ..

While he was talking she peeps into the back seat of the SUV, she saw a car seat AND a booster seat. Two kids, really??. Normally after seeing that she would of passed up automatically, but after a dry spell or two, and experiencing the small pool of men that actually don't want to try forever, she decided to give him a try. They traded numbers, he calls her.

Vincent is a black, handsome college educated, frat brother in his late twenties... she asks him during the phone conversation about the kiddie caboodle in the back. He said, yea he has kids. He and girlfriend had recently broken up and he was staying with his mother. He has a 4 year old an a 2 month old. A 2 month old is pretty freaking fresh!.. She understood, he was cute, so she gave him a try. After a couple weeks and a steamy unexpected make out session in the the elevator, she  fiiinnnaally gave up the cookie.

After all the dates out, many in depth conversations, wine and over nights he started to let his guard down. He sat on the floor with both of his arms perched on top of the bed. My friend glanced at his left hand and stared at the bright tan line with all the glowing red arrows pointing to it. She leaned on the wall..."Are you married???" Calm and smooth as butter he said, "Nope, it's a birth mark." Inside she was furious because not only was that fucking ridiculous, it was saying she was completely stupid to her face. She wanted his trust to further reveal his lies, so she smirked.. "No, really.. how long have you been married?"

He said 8 years. "We have a wonderful relationship." " I love her and she loves me, I just need to step out once in awhile. Everyone does it, you wouldn't believe who all I know who do this type a thing. Over 90% of married men have cheated or WILL cheat at some time, it's just in our nature" She said, "Does your wife know??" He said, "No, are you crazy. I keep this completely under control." She said, "Why didn't you tell me you was married..???"  He then committed to further dig himself into lies, like.... " I really liked you and I didn't want you to find out because I didn't know you was gonna take it??.. you are so smart, and our conversations are just so good, and I can't talk to my wife like I can talk to you.. blah blah blah... fucking blah.

All the information crept up and came out like vomit. He spewed it everywhere like he was begging to get it out. Usually habitual liars are eventually like that with someone. He said, he purposely got a membership at 24 Hour Fitness because why??...It's open 24 hours and he can say he's there when he's with whichever woman. When he meets girls, he makes up a story about his life, and he uses alot of energy hiding the tan line by sitting on the right side of the girl, so his left arm can be over her shoulder. The whole object was to be good at lying. So then he began confessing a story on his in's and outs on meeting another chick he was currently "talking" to. He said he didn't care about her so he always wore his wedding ring around her. It took her roommate to finally point it out. When it was all out in the open between the 3 of them, he said she didn't care one bit.

My friend asked, "Would you be okay if you wife did it to you?" He said, "No... not really. But what I don't know won't hurt me."

Are these people crazy!!!??

Needless to say, but she was hurt. Because she allowed herself to trust him with her emotions, to open up to dating a man with kids, and for him not letting her decide on how to feel about him being married. Thank GOD she's totally against it, but what got to her was this new type of man. We're noticing we're not kids anymore, 27 is getting to the age of life consciousnesses. My girlfriend said, she never even thought to examine the wedding finger and who would go to so far links to lie and betray the love of another human being you promised your life too? She said.."This is the crap you see Sunday on Lifetime.. not in my studio Long Beach apartment.

Later in the week, at work she started looking at the clients that were men fingers at her job. A man in his 60's hit on her, he asked that she email him sometime. Not call but email. He was coming back from a long trip at a time share.. he kept saying we. She didn't see a ring and didn't think he was married until he called back up there after he left to see if his wife left the garage opener there.. she confirmed it was him.

Why are so many married men cheating?

Lazy Night Time Lover

Okay, so my husband has fully evolved himself into the "this is the way I like it, so deal with it" attitude. We have our weekly random fight over Night time vs. Morning time.

I like to do the dew in the night... makes sense, it's the end of the day, it was stressful, your already tired, now lets relax, kick one off and have some good sleep. Well that's not what he thinks. It's really the total opposite. He's tired, doesn't want to do anything but crash, be fully rested in the morning and kick one off to be ready for his stressful day. Now don't get me wrong mornings aren't bad, but we have to switch it up here a little bit.

Plus I like to workout in the morning.... early...outside. Sure I mean, that can be a workout but not everyday, plus webmd.com says that in 30 minutes you can burn 85 calories or more. Sorry but working out burns WAY more. Although 42 half hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories which is enough to lose a lb. But who has time to crank it out 42 times before they go to work? ;o) So.. I guess that is a positive. However though, afterwards I'm like a floating mess in lala land that needs to crash immediately. Now that isn't the mood I want to be in for the morning.

So still we debate. He says he'll plan to wow me after work, but thats if he makes it before he starts snoring or not. I pointed this issue out with my girlfriend and she said she has the same issue. She even gets the occasional "Good Morning" pokes as her notification. I'm like is this a guy thing or what? Have I been living under a rock somewhere? I want to think it differs from guy to guy though. I went to askmen.com and it said that men developed nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) which causes a man to have 3-5 erections as he sleeps. Which severely entices the mood for the morning. Okay.. so I guess I knew that much...but it still doesn't explain the repetition of it all.

I guess I will charge it to marital bliss. I'm not starved so I'm not complaining, when it gets to that level I will be on the phone with the next marriage counselor. But for now I'll cherish our special mornings and keep my appreciation for the special nights. They do sparkle when we do have them though.

The Happy Award!

Arnetta over at This May Sound Crazy But...  awarded me the Happy Award. This is my first award being back in a long time! So THANKS girl! What a way to hop back in the saddle.

Rules are: List 10 things that make you HAPPY. Then tag 10 Happy bloggers you really dig.... ya dig??

10. Collecting Pens makes me happy..

I have a weird obsession with collecting pens. Mainly the uni-ball gel ink ones. I never use the old ball point faded looking ones anymore. They no longer suffice. The larger the collection the better. I like all colors with a fine tip, housed in a humorous coffee cup of some kind. lol


9. Happily utilizing my Green Thumb

I absolutely love gardening. I discovered it after I lost my baby. I wanted to plant some perennials in the fall to come up in the spring in remembrance. I've never thought I would like it but I just fell in love with it. I just hope everything comes up in the spring, that would be the biggest treat this year could offer.

8. Converse Happiness

Chuck Taylor Converse shoes make me happy. I'm so conservative and by the book and then Friday comes peeking it's head around the corner. I'm the office in my jeans, chucks and feeling nice. I might be pushin 30, but I still feel like the old me. I actually went to a birthday dinner at Fogo de Chao in a 'Sex In The City' Charlotte type knee legnth black skirt, a torqouise cardigan, clutch.....and my chucks. I never been hit on so much in my life! ( I would of had the heelz on, but my dawgs were already barkin from the night before, and you know you can't walk cripple in a sexy pair of pumps!)

7. Happiness is in Arts & Crafts

 

I never was in the girl scouts I just stole their badge but Arts and Crafts are SO relaxing. To have the hands on project to help you clear your mind is great. Anything I want to buy to either give to someone or decorate, I ask myself if I can make it first. Recently for Valentines Day me and my 'just as equally crafty' bff made our own red sexy candles. Even decorated them with red ribbon and I orchestrated a blooming red flower on mine with the rose petals we had left over. Good shit, I must tell ya.

6. Comedies! = Happy

Whenever I'm not happy.. a good gut bustin chuckle will always get me back on the saddle to happiness. I am a comedic enthusiast. I watch all the comedy specials, shows, movies etc. One time I had such a bad day at work I came home and fell into my hands and started crying, I turned on the TV and America's Funniest Video's came on and I was at first smirken a little bit, then at the middle of the show I chuckilin, then towards the end I was all the way into and laughing at the most stupid stuff, but it surely turned my frown upside down.

5. What's happy w/o Delectable Desserts

I have like a SERIOUS sweet tooth.. and they make me happy. Call me an emotional eater if ya want too, but my serotonin levels stay spiked while indulging on some goodness as this. Apple pie is my absolute fave, ice cream didn't come with this pic but I surly can't separate the two. I'm also a mean baker and can throw down. My favorites to bake are Bread Pudding w/ Rum sauce, Pineapple Upside Down biscuits, Banana, Walnut, Cranberry bread creation and many more.

4. Writing: Getting your happiness out on paper.

There isn't noting like creative writing. I've been drawn to it for forever now. It's a release, creativity, imagination, all in one. I remember when I was in 4th grade I wrote 370+ notebook & pencil pages (which was the very thick lined old school paper lol) about all kinds of short stories. I was a child who enjoyed being alone in my room with my radio playing and writing as much as my mind would allow, or how big the callus was on the inside of my middle finger. lol

3. SUMMER IS HAPPY

Life would be life-less without the summer. I just love it. The whole season is just a big smile on my memories. I was born under the JULY sun, and 5 days earlier so was my husband. We love the heat, the sweat, barefoot breeze's, nights and everything else that goes with it. I think since I from Kansas and we get all seasons and more here I'm extra appreciative of summer. I don't know how I would act if I had it all the time. I just know when it FINALLY comes around that's when the party starts.

2. Love is more than happiness..

                                             

...but I just adore it. It literally makes the world go round. Makes me still crazy about my husband, makes me call my mom and pet my dog until he falls asleep resting in all my lil nooks and crannies. I call myself the 'Lovers Lover" cause I'm just so bad ass at it. Be careful how close you get cause I just might love you too.. lol <3 The greatest love-John 3:16.

1. MUSIC is dancing in the happiness..

  

Music is my ultimate love that makes me incredibly happy. Songs are like tiny heartbeats that can automatically bring you back to a place you once were. It can captivate you and get you stirred all up, or just having you sit back and fully relaxed. I love it so because at times it can be my emotional tagger. Each person in my life has their own soundtrack of songs that bring me back to them everytime. What a great gift! Plus I love to sing. I swear I was some type of crooner in some smokey bar some place in my lifetime..lol

Since I haven't been back in like, forever.. I'm tagging 5

Ten Five Happy Bloggers:
Islandbaby at A Beautiful Recovery
Her Mommy at embellish.meant
Errant at My Own Circus Show
Chole at Confessions of an Ex- Drama Queen
Natalie at Use Your Words, Little Girl

Can't Take It Anymore!

So I've been talking to my husband about quiting my job.

I am by no means a quiter but I can't take the stresses and unbalance of work loads anymore. I've been at the same profession since a year out of college. Actually I stopped school to work there full time, so I've been there ever since 2002. I've moved up and ranked but have yet to be fully satisfied with my working LIFE.

What do you do when you make an adquate amount of income but severely depressed about being there? Quit? I'm 27 now, will be 28 in July and I'm having this ora of self worth that keeps tapping me on the head asking me if this is what I was meant to be doing for the rest of m life? Then the RECESSION slug slithers over and says I gotta stay or I won't ever find anything else. What to do?

I've been thinking for a few years now about how I want to start my own business. We've been saving to buy a house, but I think I want to use that money to start up a small restraunt. It has always been a dream and I would consider it doing something I love. I complain I'm stressed now but owning a business can conjure just the same or even more head aches. BUT I will justify it as doing it for something I love doing? Right?

Second guessing myself is what I do best. lol Well this is how dreams begin, fueled by pains of instability. If I don't do this than I must do something.. I will personally give myself another year or two then I'm out the door. I must exspirence life with a new challenge, tackel it, kick the shit of out it, and maybe have time for a drink on the beach afterwards. We shall see!

The Kiss of Death

The title of this blog may sound like a Forensic File episode or maybe a funny story when actually it's a strory as serious as a heart attack.



Here in Kansas City we have a newly renovated downtown called "The Power and  Light District'. It houses many chic bars, restarurants, clubs and late night concerts. Well my friend and her cousin were going out for the evening. My friend and her cousin are both beautiful, young and vibrant ladies.



While in the club my friend said to her cousin, "Don't leave me this time, lets stay together tonight! I am not taking a cab home again." The cousin said, "Okay promise." Well after a couple drinks and some long dances the cousin met a guy that visually swept her off her feet. She said he was so sexy, tall and handsome. They kissed and made out during the night.... He asked her if he could take her to his house so they could continue their "love sessions". She said to him that she promised she couldn't leave her cousin alone. He begged and she begged my friend and my friend pleaded NO!... The cousin swapped numbers with him so they could re-ignite their passion elsewhere when they got the chance some other time. The girls went home, exchanged stories of the sexy random with hopes of calling him again sometime during the week.



A few days goes by and the cousin gets a painful, blistering type of cold sore on the bottom of her lips. This is extreamly embarrassing because she's fairly attractive. She immediately goes to the Dr. to see what type of sore was growing rapidly on her lips. The Dr. nicely advises her to wait while he runs some quick test to see what exactly what it was. The Dr. came back, completly serious and a tad shaken. He asks her, "Who have you recently been with or kissing to give you this on your face?" Embarrssed she denied no one and just said it grew there. He forces the answer out of her again. She again denied but anxiously wondered what the hell was going on?



 The Dr. left the room again. After awhile the Dr. came back escorting 2 male officers. The officers politely greeted her and asked her again. Scared out of her wits she obliged and asked what was going on?? With the Dr. standing by, the officer told her that what she had on her lip was an extreamly deadly fungus, but only found on dead caucuses, or deceased humans. She panicked and began to open up entirely. She told them the whole story of what happen that Saturday night and who she was with. The officers asked if she still had the phone number of the guy she was with. She did and gave it to them.



Days later the officers visited that sexy guy's house. They did a search while he wasn't home. Inside they found 2 dead bodies. Both female victims and about the same age of my friend and her cousin. The man was arrested and has been taken to jail. He hasn't been convicted of anything yet but we know for sure he was into necrophilia with these women.

Necrophilia: sexual arousal stimulated by a dead body. The stimulation can be either in the form of fantasies or actual physical sexual contact with a corpse.



It was totally traumatic for my friends family. Even for me! This is a true story and I couldn't believe this happened so close to home, or someone I knew. I believe in God and had to immediately pray and give thanks that she wasn't the next victim. Her life has been spared.


I had to call my BF in Cali just to let her know the craziness in our lil city and for her to be careful up there. You never know where situations in your life can take you. Hopefully my friends cousin will remember this and choose her surrounding and people wisely.

TV Watchin Time

So lately I've been diving in a few TV shows before school starts, and also considering it's winter and I can hibernate like the best of the bears. When I should be EXERCISING but that's another blog.

One of the show's I've watching is Tough Love on VH1. These ladies have made many failed attempts themselves at love so they go see Steven Ward a matchmaker who tries to offer them help at finding a partner. What intrigued me with this show is the personalities of some of these ladies. I've seen some of thier traits in my friends, family, co-workers.. hell even me. What I like is the help Steven is givin is foreal. Like MEN DO THINK THIS WAY! oh and also you have to learn to play their GAME. I learned that a loooong time ago. I would like to say that's how I snagged the hubs, but really I think I just know when to keep my mouth shut.... that's really all that matters...sadly. But the advice really is good advice what I do with my friends with the "same situations" is call them up and say.. "Hey have you seen that show Tough Love!? It's pretty interesting you should watch it!" lol

Other than that I might catch some others on the fly by like Hoarders on A&E. This is so odd to me and I know this is an actual medical mental condition but man it is interesting to watch? Espicially when I need to get my house clean. After watching that it will sure make you get up and get stuff out. These families are effected by a family member who surround themselves with trash/clutter/astronmical shopping and clothes. They have an emotional bond with these items and usually are suffering from some type of emotional trauma. Sad show really, espically when children are involved.

Back to the Basics

I had to take a long break but I'm back. It was nice coming back and reading every one's updates. I'm finally back at that place where I can happily blog again without saddening my readers. Tears aren't for everybody ya know.

On to bigger and better..!

This is a beautiful new year, with all kinds of beautiful new stuff to get into. I took my resolution balled it up and did a full fisted slam dunk to the toilet. I don't need anymore stresses in my life, just victories. So therefore, I'm trying my best not to set myself up to fail. Just taking everything as I go with stride & pride and after that call it a day.

Speaking of today, for a Monday it was glorious. My special half brought me lunch to work and sat there and ate it with me with the biggest smile on his face. Who could ask for anything more? I didn't but when he picked me up from work and after we went to the store he gave me the most sensual, loving, sweetest body massage ever. Candles, soft music and nurturing hands. I don't know why or what made him give me a treat so special, but I LOVED it!

So stoked things are looking up..

I see LIFE in a whole new light..

I've been missing all of my cool bloggerific friends, so I decided to come back and read and also give a lil update on how every thing's been going. Not only for you but to myself. Kinda like my way of talking it out.. feels good.

So... back in the end of June my grandma passed. All my talking and blogging of not calling her kind of choked me up. Very unexpected, she was only 66.. so I've been dealing with that. Finally got back on my feet and dried my tears until July 27th came, and my water breaks.. I announced on here that I was preggo. I made it all the way to 17 weeks and 3 days and my water fucking breaks. Did you know a baby can't survive without it's amniotic fluid for the rest of the pregnancy.. well it can they said by the grace of God but it would have a multitude of complications.

That hurt like a ton of wrecking balls to the heart.

It as a boy, exactly what I wanted sooo bad, I was going to name him Ellis. Even though he was 9 oz he had so much character in his face, arms and legs long like his Dad's, lips and nose like mine. Even right down to the matching shape of the toes finger nails.. he was going to be so beautiful.

My birthday was July 29th so you know I was damning God for such a wonderful birthday gift, but time has passed and I'm ok, we're okay. We're actually going to wait until our original agreement of 30 to try again.. get some time to get healthier, go to church.. just whatever ever it takes to get a life back on a that positive level..

On a happier note I'll be back with a new me.. life's too short, all this death has opened me up a lil bit. I'll most definitely have something to blog about now.. lol

Seeing is Believing..

and then I almost had a panic attack. NO.. I did have a panic attack..

I went on babycenter.com to look up information, research mommy details that I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE ABOUT.. like the actual birthing of a baby. I sat here at work, played the video. Didn't look too bad, it was like lady's top part of her body, she was just in pain..screaming a tad. THEN the camera goes way SOUTH. .. my heartbeat races, I'm sweating a little so I take off my sweater, I see the head of the baby, and blood stretching this woman's vulva to complete capacity..my stomach turns, and I start darting my eyes looking for a trash can.. I grab a laminated chart and start to fan myself, close my eyes and breathe deeply..until my heart races slower.. What the hell just happened? Was I that disturbed over having a baby?

Usually I'm not such a bitch over slimy, bloody, eerie things, but that got to me.

I'm totally clueless on all this stuff and it's starting to stress me out. I think this is where it's coming from. I mean you should see my dreams. Talk about weird.

Lately, I've been bugging my mom friends with all these questions. I know they are getting so tired of me asking questions that seem so, I dunoo.. dumb!? I call one up and ask about what she does with her kids while she's at work. lol So we talk about Daycare. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT DAYCARE COST?.. it's a whole brand new (LEXUS) car payment a month!!! What a rip off. So, what the hell am I gonna do?
Stay home? Yea right! Who can do that anymore? I think my hubs will have to work nights and I will work mornings.. Good-bye to seeing him anymore.. Guess that's just what having a child is about sacrificing some time together.. ? Whatever. I'm game. Fuckin bring it.

Here is the link to that video.. go see a baby born and see if you don't lose your lunch. lol Mother Giving Birth Epideral

Natural Birth

A Stork Has Landed!

Well we all know what that means now... don't we?

YES! We're having a baby! My husband and I pregnant! I know I've been absent which I sometimes do, but dealing with new fetus's in your uterus will actually deter you from alot of things. I'm happy, we're happy.. totally was an accident but good things come out those, so hey. We wanted to wait until the big 30, but 27 is close enough.

Just to update you I'm 11 weeks, so beginning of the 3rd month. I had a great 2 months, well I won't jump off the hinge and say GREAT, I had some nausea, but I didn't throw up once. Actually if it wasn't for me checking the calendar I wouldn't even of known. All I knew is I wasn't feeling like myself. I kept waking up and saying that, and I had constant butterflies. NAUSEA. Some say that's actually worse than throwing up, but after my favorite treat or two it would go away.

This baby is the first on both sides of our families, since we both are the first born grandchildren. So alot of people are excited. Husband is still in agh. He can't believe we're making humans now.. He wants to crash every hobby, fun activity, wish and want in "before the baby comes". I'm like, life isn't over when children come into your life. ...........Right? (totally 2nd guessing) I'm thinking, it's really just beginning.

I do have some fears but don't new mothers all? I wanted to wait to tell people, but 3 months is getting pretty good..if something bad happens then I've rather loved a new baby that's gone then to have never loved a new baby at all... lol (thanks William)

It's a new wondrous experience becoming a new Mommy. I sure don't know what in the hell is next, nor what the hell I'm doing but I'll surly take it. I'm due January 1st, 2010.

Catching Up..

The most DELIGHTFUL Islandbaby, over at Just My Opinion tagged me for the interesting Tag questions of 8. She was nice enough to tag me, plus I don't have any ravin' cool blogger news going on with me... EVER. So, I thought this would do just fine for today... Thanks again lady <3

8 Things you are looking forward to:

* Visiting ATL for the first time
* Turning 27, actually
* Moving down the street
* Becoming a Mommy <3
* Swimming this summer
* Saving a whole buncha money
* Owning my own business
* Keeping a good out look on life



8 things you did yesterday:

* Spent a whole 8 hrs at a team building function w/ my co-workers outside of work
* Took a 2nd shower when I got home cause I couldn't rest & settle
* Finished knitting a 2nd panel of a cabled blanket
* Babied the hubs cause he fell and bopped his head on the concrete while playing basket-ball
* Chatted with the bf for 2 hours
* Got on the scale, haven't gained anymore weight! yess!
* Ate left overs
* Played with the dog



8 things you wish you could do:

* Play the piano, guitar
* Live without working.. ugh!
* Buy and ride a motorcycle..
* Travel, not the world but close to it
* Grow my hair down my back..lol It's been shoulder length forever!!
* Eat whatever I want, all the time!
* Make it to where my house was magically cleaned every time I came home
* Be happy just the way I am



8 shows you watch:

* Good Morning America
* Medium
* Dancing with the Stars
* Anything on Food Network
* True Blood * NEW SEASON THIS JUNE!!
* Survivor Man
* Everybody Hates Chris
* MARTIN Re-runs

O Granny..

I've been thinkin..

I haven't talked to my granny in like 5 months.. I'm surly gonna burn in hell.
I don't know about you but I don't keep in touch with distant relatives. Does that make me narcissistic asshole? To tell you the truth, I really have a reason why I don't call my grandma. The Dr. prescribed her Zoloft because she moved away from majority of her children and was severely going through empty-nest syndrome. During that time I called for sure but when we talked she would crryyyyy and cryyyy, and talk about her hypochondriac ailments.

Like, I'm dying.. did you know that? lol I'm like DAMN Grandma, can you make me anymore sad. So I chalked it up as she was crazy, but when I talked to her for her birthday she was good. Some people just get really sad and say crazy things sometimes. (lol)

I barely talk to my parents. Sometimes though they kidnap me on the phone conference style at work. Talk about embarrassing. I'm like Hi Mom, Hello Dad.. they're both like, "Hello Daughter!!" We thought we'd steal ya for a second before ya go to lunch. (Why wouldn't they harass me on my lunch, in my car, instead for the whole office to hear my moms new lemon grass drink diet plan, and my bowel movements)

Please note. I'm really thankful but maybe something happened to me when I was younger? I don't know.. I better get my act together though before I end up like a reverse of that "Cats in the Cradle" song by Harry Chapin. I'll have kids, and they're not gonna wanna talk to me anymore? Shit.

Cupcakes and Deer

Wonderful Gabby at Gabby, she wrote tagged me for the coolest and oddest lookin tag ever: Since her blog is just as Deer, I have no problem excepting this cool tag award. Cupcake tag award rather..



Rules: respond and rework. Answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one other question.


What is your current obsession?:
Capitalizing. I want to capitalize everything in a sentence. and using a million continuation dots..........................................................


What are you wearing now?:
Work clothes... ACTUALLY we could dress down all this week, so blackwash jeans with cool button pockets in the back, black polkadotte button cami, and black under-tank


Do you nap a lot?:
I don't make an effort too, sometimes it just happens while watching TV..


What would you like to learn to do?
Have multiple orgazims that last for 20 minutes each.


What's for dinner?:
Tonight is breakfast for dinner. Maple sausage n gravey bisquits, eggs, fruit, and oj.

What's one of your favorite movies?
Forest Gump.. it just is.


What's one thing you're looking forward to?:
SUMMER.. things are just happier. Going home at 5:00pm. Sat & Sun. The future with kiddo's.


Who was your childhood crush?:
BRAD PITT, Patrick Swayze in Point Break , Jon B. and Omar Epps


If you were to pick up a pen, what's the first thing you'd write?:
Graphitti style my name..


What would you like to get rid of?
Growing old. Basketball players on TV are younger than me! WTF happened?


What in life are you waiting on?
My period. All this damn muff slick-ness.. and it hasn't came yet! Shit!

Now tag 5 blogger peeps:

1. Starzgazer Here I Come

2. The Rambeling Diva at C'est What??

3. Jewels at Bitchfest!

4. Chrystina at Faith, Trust & Pixie
Dust

5. Desert Rat at Runaway Train

Getting Used to my New Snatch..

Sorry to be so damn blunt..

but I'm not very privy to the priveldge of the pussy..

In other words: I FINALLY got a girlie girl shape up. Not like what you think, and no it didn't involve wax. I rather not bleed through my panties to mirror a 12 year old girl. No matter how much grown up pedofile men like it. lol

I just decided to free myself from the liberated 1970's woman's movement and really "mow the lawn" so to speak. I guess my husband has had his last teeth flossing and jungle safari. He said.. "Hey woman!, it's a jungle down here!" lol

My girlfriends get brazilian's all the time, when they ask me, I just laugh and put my fist in the air. Hence, staying dedicated to my afro look. This time though, my husband brought me a cool neato gadet. A intamte lady shaver... I LOVE IT! It's like girlie pink clippers for that area, you can even do designs! Except, that's pretty creepy.. I've been using it and was afraid if I went to close it would cause a new hair growth itching party in my pants, but IT HASN'T! Yesssss!!!

I say that because when I was in the 5th grade that happened. I shaved it clean off. Hair started to grow back and I was clawing at my coo coo like it was a spawn of satan. So.. I never did it again.. bare-ly.

Now I'm dancing, floating and fancy freeeee... (picture a tampax commercial, that's me) So if you don't like your BUSH (not the politician), then try out a new cool fun shaver.

O YEA.. here is the cool shaver.

To you 2009 GRADUATES out there

I usually don't ever have anything too exciting to do over the weekend except tend to my dawggie and husband, but this weekend we're taking a small family road trip to his home town for his lil' sister's high school graduation. He's from Junction City, KS. I know that doesn't mean much to you big cities out there, but it's a small humble military town based on Fort Riley. The cool thing about traveling to his home town is... it's 2 hours away. Yess!!

I know there's alot of high school graduations this year that many people are tending too, like Soggy Bloggy and her daughter The Water Bottle.. =0) Those are blogs btw. My boss's youngest nephew are graduating and suppose to be my little cousin also but he hasn't decided if wants to leave high school yet or not, so we're still working on him.

I don't have anything important to say about starting your life, but all I know it involves alot of thinking. So be ready to use some parts of your brain that normally don't come into play till' around this time. If you go away to school, keep active, stay happy and remember to have fun. School is serious, but not THAT serious. If your not doing the school thing, then start doing SOMETHING. Starting off being a LOAF isn't very life fulfilling. And when you start that something, make it into what makes you happy. Find zeal in doing what you love. If you can turn that into money, then hell: so be it.

2001 I graduated from High school... when did you all?

Straight Blogger Hiatus

I know I've been gone, I think this is the longest I've been gone overall..

I just been sick.. with the SWINE FLU?.. NOPE. it wasn't. Just almost damn near something like it!

You know when your sick, you really don't really feel like doing shit! Like, not even thinking. The light to the computer even had me nauseous. It hasn't been the slightest of fun. I can't even imagine the actual Swine Flu victims. It was so funny (well not really) I came to work on Friday, they took one look at me and was like.. GO HOME!!!!!!

I'm thinking this was the best time to be off, and they want me to leave! AND I'm sick!

Phooie, man.

So, I'm well now.. Thankfully due to some Sudafed and Night-Quil. The sorry part was HUBS WAS NO HELP!! Isn't your husband suppose to be there for you through thick and thin.. when your sick and unable. Well the whole time he was no help. No chicken noodle soup, no foot rubs, no store runs. Oh wait, except one towards the END!
You know us women, we never forget..... so just WAIT.

He'll be sick and I'm gonna go get all his fav foods and eat them in front of him, then act like I'm gonna share then take it away and say, "OOPS, can't share germs!"
I'll turn the air on Antarctica, and ask him how's his stuffy nose & congestine doing? while I drink Hot Cocoa with EXTRA MARSHMELLOWS!! (sorry, I'm a little perterbed)

So, for all you fellow sicko's out there I bid you well. There's nothing like a terrible flu to get you through the week.

Plus I missed you guys too <3

Where Were You in 1982?

I was just peeking out of my moms uterus to be welcomed into skinny Levi's, braided plats, head bans and sweaters with alligators on them..lol However much I say I don't like the 80's, I find myself fascinated with that time period, while dealing with how far we're getting away from it. I'm getting older..=0( I mean, =0).

What prompted my question was a movie I never seen before, but everyone else had: Fast Times at Ridgemont High.



It came on cable last night, I saw it coming on and was like, do I want to watch this old movie? lol Then I saw what it was, and remembered my uncles and aunts talking about it some years ago.

It was funny, and kind of raunchy! It was like our American Pie.. silly with a whole bunch of nudity & smutt talk.. and a whole bunch of actors that I recognise in other current movies. Like of course Sean Penn, Linda Barret, Judge Reinhold, YUMMY Eric Stoltz (From Mr. Jealousy & the bad Dad in Butterfly Effect) and Forrest Whitaker.. Soundtrack was good, one of my fav songs was from Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers! This was just a lil movie time that took me back! <3

Here's the original trailer:

Getting Down & Getting Ready..

FOR SUMMER THAT IS!...

I literally can't wait. Spring has been more like winter here in the Midwest. The last snow was just a few weeks ago. It was 75 one day, then in the 20's with a blizzard snow the next! WTF?

So, in January I was on my quest for better health and jump started my work it all the way off plan. So far I haven't worked it all the way off but I'm getting there. I've lost 20lbs with this weeks weigh in. I'm 10lbs shy of this months goal. Hopefully by the end of April I can get close to 30lbs. I'm very excited with myself that I'm really taking this somewhat seriously. My goal is to get to 140, now I'm 5'2 short and curvy stocky, and dense like a fruitcake. I had to give that image to my husband cause he feels like he can pick me up like I'm a bitesize snicker bar but once he does he's paying for it. I yell, "Put me down before you get hernia or something!" Did you know lifting heavy objects can cause hernia? I didn't know that.
I know he hates when I say that, but he's like 190lbs toned, and he's practically lifting himself!

So by JULY, which is my birthday month, I would love to have reached my goal. It would be the best summer yet. I would for sure have to buy a real bathing suite instead of surfer shorts lol Nothing wrong with surfer shorts, but mine were never cute. Mine were like on last night's episode of Scrubs when everyone was on the beach vacationing, and they were seeing who's woman looked good in their bathing suite as they walked up to join them in the sand. Donald Faison's wife came floppin up the beach with a sun visor, huge brown shorts, a tank and a big ole bag..lol That's me.

I'm still on the trek, just trying to make it the finish line. Salads are still doing the trick for me, and calorie restriction. I said that to my mom and she damn near flipped her lid, like "So what, your starving yourself now!" No, just not putting so much shit in my mouth mother! I wanted to say that, but I didn't. I kinda made up my own plan. If I worked out alot more, I'd be where I should be and more, but I had a rough stressful month. It was a busy month at my job.. read here to feel my pain.. They say working out releases stress, but when I've had a shitty day the last thing I want to do is go get on a treadmill and sweat my new perm out.

Next month, however.. that will be a different story. More workouts, more water drinking, and more salsa dancing. Dancing really is a great workout if you don't like the same hustle and bustle at the gym. Hopefully by the summer months I can really stick too it, if not I'm still in heading towards the right path..

All in all ... I've kicked 20lb's in it's ass and I'm totally stoked.

Yea, It's THAT Time

Why did Eve have to eat the apple?

I damn her every time my girlfriend wants to pay a visit. Meaning, the doomed Menstrual Cycles, Periods, "On the Rag" whatever you would like to call it. I call it "Girlfriend", cause even though it's far from hell of being a "friend", I still try to be optimistic and befriend the: bloating, cramping, back aching, boobie tenderness, mood swings, TV show crying, smooth bowels, and sweets scarfing.

I know I should of paid close attention to the clues last week, but I was in phase mode of working and up keeping the home.

First sign my boobs felt like they were stretched to complete capacity in my bra, and they ached. I snapped at my mom, felt horrible, then came home from work on the same day and slept 6 hours! Yesterday was the Oh great! Your here.. and then the paaaiinn. I already took a 800mg last nite, hoping it will medicate until the next day.. and it didn't. Now I'm at work, back throbbing and I have no bullets and no gun. Ok, totally joking, but I'm not one to be messed with today!

Most of my bloggy buddies are ladies, so do you guys have great menstrual weeks? or am I the only one clawing up the wall?

Menstrual Cycles sure can put a damper on your party. I just looked up "On the Rag"and did you know this was where it came from?:

Answer.com: The phrase “on the rag” originated sometime during the late 19th to early 20th century. When a woman was menstruating, she was “on the rag,” a phrase that literally described the way women of the day protected themselves from accidents during menstruation. Each woman had a supply of rags for specific use during menstruation. Women would layer rags together until they were sufficiently thick, then use pins to attach the rags to their panties. After each use, the women would wash the rags and hang them out to dry. Each woman had a special place (usually a bag in her underwear drawer) where she kept her rags for the next time she menstruated.

Ugh! I couldn't imagine!! My mom told me they used to use these belt type thinggys that held a pad in place because the stickie on the back wasn't invented yet. A jock strap for a pad!? Yea, that's REAL sexy! LOL

My research came up with this picture:


Was this how they were worn? Would blood just flow down the legs and onto clothes? I'm so confused!? And this was like 30-35 years ago! So not that long. Oh how I take stickie adhesive for granted. Thank you stickie adhesive makers for allowing me to walk publicly down the street without blood running down my leg, or trying to stuff a whole bed sheet into my panties to catch it. Thank you.

The Stright DOPE! gave a interesting article on Tampons, I guess women have been make shifting their own for years, even before the belted pads. I know I would!

Apparently, as time passed, tampons went underground. By the 1930s, when commercial tampons became available, some women were already making their own "out of surgical cotton, cutting strips to size and rolling them tightly for insertion, or they bought natural sea sponges at cosmetics or art supply stores and trimmed them into reusable tampons," Friedman writes. "But these women belonged to an exclusive margin of society; they tended to be actresses, athletes, or prostitutes--all dubious professions, in the eyes of 'respectable' women."

BUT: according to Wiki answers: The tampon with an applicator and string was invented in 1929 and submitted for patent in 1931 by Dr. Earle Haas, an American from Denver, Colorado. Tampons based on Dr. Haas' design were first sold in the U.S. in 1936.

WHY, oh WHY would people wear belts if these things was already patented in 1931!

I know why, because I started my period when I was 10, and it took me all the way until I was 17 to wear tampons. I thought it was weird with something up there without it feeling good. haha However, currently they are my bestfriend.

Ok enough bloody talk. I'm ready to go home, eat my salad, drink my hot tea and hit the sheets! Clean ones, that is. =0)